Simbang Gabi :)

9 Novena Masses, 9 different Churches, 1 prayer, 1 hopeful wish.

A Blessed Christmas!

1 – Abbey of Our Lady of Monserrat (San Beda College, Mendiola, Manila)

2 – St. Jude (Malacañang, Manila)

3 – Congressional Village Church (Project 8, Quezon City)

4 – Immaculate Concepcion (Cubao)

5 – Our Lady of Fatima (Bacood, Manila)

6 – Chapel of Our Miraculous Medal (Manuela 4B, Las Piñas)

7 – Our Lady of Fatima (Las Piñas)

8 – Chapel of the Holy Family (Camella, Las Piñas)

9 – Church of the Gesu (Ateneo De Manila Chapel, Quezon City)

tears

There's a belief that when you have a mole on your face where tears flow, it is 100% certified that you are iyakin. There's also a belief that when your mother cries often while you are still in her womb, you're also going to be iyakin. If these two beliefs are only beliefs, then I believe them.

 

I am a certified iyakin. I cry when I'm happy, sad, frustrated, overwhelmed, blessed, overjoyed, touched. Tears would often show my emotions. My tears are my shelter. My tears are my armor. And I would always thank the Lord for blessing me with tears because they never failed to comfort me.

The BIG revelation

Words are really powerful especially when they're from a person whom you trust. For the past few days, I admit that "his" words had been the center of my thoughts. I don't like to share anymore what "he" told me but I was really disturbed and terrified. But my ever loving Father reminded me tonight that HE is more powerful than anything. HE sent "him" to me just to warn me of the possibilities that may happen if I don't act now. Those are just possibilities. They are not yet realities. And I can still do my part not to make them happen.

It will only take the Feast Manila to make me decide that I WILL NOT GIVE UP MY SERVICE. It will be really challenging on my part but I know that there are other things that I should and I must give up rather than my service. HE doesn't want me to give up my service. I felt HIM when the Feast started. I heard HIM telling me that if I would surrender "other things", I don't need to give up my service and that is what I would do.

All things are possible with God! I believe.

 

Anyway, let me share to you a little of me for the past few days…

November 12, 2009 is the beginning of my last semester in college. (yes, I claim it, this is my last! ^_^) There were not really a lot of changes when it comes to my study habits. The fact that I am always tired from commuting everyday contributed to my laziness and my consistent need for sleep. I DON'T STUDY AT HOME. With all the activities lined up at the beginning of the semester, I wasn't really focused in studying. I was too focused with JPIA to the point that I can choose it over my studies. But I must not.

November 30, 2009 is the beginning of a new Keren. God blessed me with a dorm where I can really concentrate and rest. God provided me with a roommate who is very diligent. God supplied me with all the necessities and I need. And all I need to do now is to study, do my part, and have faith. I am praying for my miracle, and on this day, I PROMISE to do my share then let God do the rest.

God is with me. Mama is interceding for me.

 

It's been 5 days now since we last talked. It feels different. And I would not deny that a part of me misses him a lot. But this is what I have to do so I could fully heal. I love him. And I don't know when I would stop. All I have to do now is stop expecting and focus more on graduating. If he's really for me, I know that God will have HIS way to give us the perfect timing. I could still remember that I would always pray to God that "Lord, kung para siya sa 'kin, ibigay niyo po siya. Pero kung hindi talaga, wag niyo na lang siyang ibigay." Too many deadlines already lapsed and I am still here hoping that maybe, it's just not yet the right time. But I know that time will come that I will no longer hope because I already accepted that it was a NO after all this time. :)

Valedictory Speech – April 1, 2005

VALEDICTORY SPEECH

 

Keren Graine C. Mallari

 

William Bennett, an author once said that happiness is like a cat. If you try to coax it or call it, it will avoid you. It will never come. But if you pay no attention to it and go about your business, you'll find it rubbing against your legs and jumping into your lap. With an array of talented and high-calibred line up of batchmates like mine in the field of academics- and mind you, most of us not having acquired our own taste of heaven for the first three quarters, with the kind of academic standard Divine Light Academy has challenged us all to keep, one I guess, should just follow what this wise man has called for. Incidentally, with this thing called, luck and with my own full concentration upon my tasks, the "cat" has picked on me. Our school administration, our beloved school head, Mrs. Leonila D. Sese, our administrative head, Engr. Atnonio D. Sese, our school assistant principal, Mrs. Layla P. Padolina, Atty. Ildrian Aseron our guest speaker, our school coordinators, to the DLA faculty members, parents, friends, ladies and gentlemen, a peaceful evening to all of you.

 

For many instances for the past few days, I would be stunned, looking over the walls of our school institution that I have been grown accustomed to for the last thirteen years. Still at awe and unbelieving in between rehearsals, that the reality of leaving will be at hand. Tonight, it has taken shape. In the process, we have finally gone in full circle. Most of us may be having the sense of excitement yet a bit apprehensive as to what must be anticipated for at the other end. We have all waited for this day- to let lose and let go- but I believe that deep within the privacy of your thoughts, most of us still share a certain feeling of wanting to ask for the last time, a single moment- to stay- and breathe fresh air- with you- the same familiar faces- taking for the last couple of hours, the nurturing friendship that we have built over the years. But in order to move on, one must look ahead.

 

We shall take our glorious exit with jubilation but with a heavy heart. The day of graduation is a remarkable event to celebrate and all at the same, the pain of goodbye shall go with it. Nevertheless, we know that even this little "hurt" we must endure to strengthen our spirits to grow, so that seeing again may be certain, bringing along with us, our promise of hope.

 

To my fellow graduates, I raise this imaginary hat of salutation for having won your own battle to make it to this day. The truth of the matter is that despite the head and the heartaches we have inflicted upon our parents, the mere sight of our persons on stage must have been more than enough compensation for the sacrifices that they, themselves have made. Tonight we can just hear the pounding of their hearts for great joys and giggles. Thus, we pay tribute to our dear parents- for in the midst of life's enormous crisis, you have not given up in assuring us of a brighter future that is now mostly deprived of other young people like us- the gift of education. We pray that the good Lord shall keep you, as we will soon take our turns in gratitude by loving and serving you well. And to our mentors- with the special commendation to our dear teachers. Your living by example, guidance and resilience have given us so much inspiration to serve others too without conditions. Your devotion to your noble task has made us realize that there is no other way to love but to work with dedication. Fellow graduates, let's give the DLA faculty members their much- deserved standing ovation with the resounding applause.

 

Finally, allow me to offer these modest and most humble achievements to my family. To my two siblings- ate Kay and Jem- I give you this piece of victory- for whatever I have, I shall share with you- my own case of happiness will be yours as well. To my devoted father- Pa, my heart overflows with so much love of you- the fulfillment of my piece of sky has been more meaningful because God gave you to me as my father. In return, I just truly hope that I was able to bring honor to your name being the top graduate of my batch. And to my mother- Mama, your living presence tonight is the best graduation gift that I have received. I just pray that whatever amount of pain you may have, will be eased even for this moment as you look at me from a distance- proud that from your womb, you have made me what I am today.

 

My dear batchmates, there is a sudden call for us to take an immediate course of action. To serve willingly- in view of attaining peace and progress. In a country like ours, the gravity of such responsibility may be too heavy to bear. But every little step will seem to create bigger ripples going toward successes just like what we have all obtained today.

 

For my parting words, let me quote Arthur Schopenhauer who wrote that each day is a little life; every waking and rising a little birth; every fresh morning a little youth; every going to rest and sleep a little death. And every little death gives more meaning to another life- Batch 2005, rise- go forth and conquer!

 

I bring back all the glory to God- the Giver of all talents! Thank you so much and good evening!

 

 

Testimonial Dinner – November 20, 2009

My closing remarks that was written by Marynel Avila (Tita Nel for some :p)

 

I have long been looking for this day, to speak before the batch that has been so dear to me, second to my current batchmates of course. (smile)

(serious mode on)

As quoted from one famous writer, every great dream begins with a dreamer. Tonight, as we look around us, we would be able to identify the dream (pause) and the dreamers. Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to acknowledge again the presence of the new Bedan CPAs, which represent the dream(pause) and of the freshmen, sophomores, juniors, and most of all the seniors, which are the dreamers. I am of course included. (smile again)

With an array of talented and high-calibred line up of professors, everyone present here has experienced their own taste of heaven …and hell. We all know that life is not easy for BS Accountancy Majors here at San Beda College. It never was. And I know, it never will. Everyone of us has gone through a lot of adversities – failed grades on major subjects, tough professors, lost friends (those who have the misfortune of being expelled from the program and enroll in another school), almost-zero (or for some of us) no social life - all of these were successfully hurdled by these people (point to the CPAs) and currently being experienced by most of us.

Dreams are the touchstones of our character. As what is stated in the video a while ago, dream no small dreams for big dreams have the power to move the hearts of men. If a little dreaming is dangerous, the cure for it is not to dream less, but to dream more… to dream all the time. Everything starts with a dream. Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning. But of course, catching that dream is never an easy task. You cannot let your dream to forever remain as a dream. You cannot dream yourself into a character, you must hammer and forge yourself into one. Here, we would be able to test the strength of everybody. Many would simply bow their heads to defeat but a few brave-hearted ones would choose to continue…and win the fight. It all would rest on the choice that we would make.

In achieving that dream, we must always remember that no one has a right to rain on our dreams. Like what Jesse Jackson said, "No one should negotiate their dreams. Dreams must be free to flee and fly high. No government, no legislature, has a right to limit your dreams. You should never agree to surrender your dreams." Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world. And when you have finally reached your dreams, do not ever forget to thank everyone who helped you. Your friends, your professors, your family, your boyfriend or girlfriend and most especially your batchmates for they are your constant companion in reaching your dreams. Always put in your mind that when we are dreaming alone it would forever remain as a dream but when we are dreaming with others, it is the beginning of reality.

Before you can grow up, you must fall in love three times

Just grabbed from a friend's post on facebook. J

 

Once you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more.

Once you must fall in love with someone you believe to be perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as any less than you deserve.

And once you must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be.

And when you're through with all that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that you needed the most.

But most of all, you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each person that experiences it. And you will learn to respect each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved

— Unknown

Walking Away

People walk away not because they already stopped loving. They walk away because they know that they are already loving too much that they need to let loose a little.

Kuya

"Sige na Ma, umalis ka na, ako na bahala dito. Makikita mo na si Richard, di mo pa siya nakikita diba? HInihintay ka na niya." Those were the words of Papa before Mama finally breathed her last. It was not until then when I realized that things that happen in movies or teleseryes really happen in real life. They are not just fictions. They are real experiences of real people. I'm not here to talk about Mama's death. There will be another time for that. I'm here to talk about him, Kuya Richard, the kuya I almost but never had.

 

Kuya Richard was supposed to be the eldest in our family. But because of complications, God just blessed him with 10 hours on earth. Mama did not see him because he was buried before she recovered from her caesarian operation. I often wonder what life would be if I would have a real brother. Will he be the ideal brother that I've always longed for? Or will he just be like those Kuyas who doesn't care and live their own life? What will happen to me being the youngest? Or will I even exist if he's alive?

 

I don't know what life would be if I will have Kuya Richard now, but I know that he's happy to celebrate his 25^th birthday with Mama. I know that they're happy up there watching over and praying for us.

Happy 25^th birthday Richard Cañete Mallari!

Heart to heart Wednesday

No school work Wednesdays are blessings. :) It was a Wednesday when mama talked to me last February 2008 about her last wishes before she dies. And today, I just talked to papa about things… And I really feel blessed to be able to openly talk to Papa about anything and being able to hear his own stories.

If there's one thing that I affirmed this morning, it's that Papa loves the three of us so much. And in everything that he does, he never fails to think about us first. I really feel blessed having him as a father.

I love you Papa! :)

Her Story

I was looking for some files to delete in our external memory then I found this…. Mama's Talk written last February 2006. :)

TALK 2: TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR UNPLEASANT EMOTIONS

(PART 1) How We Harm Ourselves By Treating Them As Enemies

GOOD EVENING BROTHERS AND SISTERS! On different occasions I was asked to give a talk or sharing in a crowd pero lagi akong tumatanggi . Ang lagi kong dahilan ay ang aking paos at pangkamang boses plus my Visayan accent. Lagi kong sinasabi pang one-on-one lang ang boses ko and not for a crowd.

But when Sis Fe approached me to give this talk, di ako nakatanggi. Why? Siguro, dahil sa napakagandang talk ni Bro. Obet during our recollection, I realized that I have to try to release my potential at nang pinush ako ni Sis Fe, nawala lahat ng apprehensions ko. So, brothers and sisters please bear with my husky voice and Visayan accent. And I hope I could do justice to our beautiful topic tonight: Take Charge of Your Unpleasant Emotions: How we harm ourselves by treating them as our enemies.

Let me start by sharing the drama of my life. I am the eldest of 8 siblings born in a remote island of Camotes, Cebu. Life in our barrio is hard. Walang kuryente at malayo ang igiban ng tubig. Nang ibenta ng Lolo ko ang lupang kinabuhayan namin, my father, an ex-seminarian and an undergrad got to work at ang binagsakan ay maging pari ng ibang religion. Ito'y naging daan para kami lagi nyang iwan at sya'y maging malapit sa temptasyon.

When I was in grade 4 we transferred to Sevilla, Bohol. Mas maganda buhay namin dito dahil ang tubig nasa baba na lang ng bahay, me kuryente at malapit sa eskwelahan. Pero dito naman naghiwalay ng tuluyan ang magulang ko. I could still vividly remember crying over my mother begging her not to leave but then I understand her. My father decided to bring us all to his mission area – Mindanao. Buti na lang kalagitnaan na ng schoolyear at alanganin na akong ilipat kaya naiwan kami ng kapatid kong si Edmond sa Bohol. That was also the start ng pagkakawatak-watak naming magkakapatid.

Life has to go on. My mother was in Cebu, namasukang katulong to support me and Edmond. The first impact of being alone was during my graduation. Habang ang mga kaklase ko masasayang kasama buong pamilya nila, ako ay mag-isa lang. Wala ni isang kamag-anak to just even see me receive my diploma.

For my high school education, my father will support me kung sasama ako sa kanya sa Mindanao. But I told him to stop his womanizing first before I'll join him. Sa galit nya, itinakwil nya ako. Wala na raw syang anak na LUTGARDA. But God is good. Pinagbakasyon nya sa Cebu si Sr. Lutgarda, younger sister nya and upon knowing my situation, dinala ako sa kumbento nila sa Cuyo, Palawan. Doon nakapag-aral ako ng high school as a working student. Again, naramdaman ko na naman ang tinding lungkot at awa sa sarili ng gumraduate akong nag-iisa. Gusto kong ipagmalaki sa pamilya ko ang mga medalya kong nakuha pero napakalayo nila.

My uncles in US, knowing my situation and through the intercession of Sr. Lutgarda, supported me through college. Nang makatapos ako, pinag-aral ko ang pangatlo at pang-apat kong kapatid. Then, sila naman ang tumulong sa mga nakababata naming mga kapatid hanggang makatapos kaming lahat ng kolehiyo.

Life started getting better. Nakatapos na lahat ang mga kapatid ko at nagkabalikan na rin parents ko. At lalong sumaya ng magka boyfriend at maging asawa ang mabait at ever supportive na si Rudy Mallari. Ang saya-saya ika nga!

Akala ko tapos na ang drama ng buhay ko pero pinahinga lang pala ako! Habang naglalabor ako para sa panganay ko nakapa na suhi ang baby. The doctor ordered and emergency caesarian operation. The next day, excited na akong pumunta ng nursery pero iniiwasan ako ng asawa at mga kapatid ko. Walang gusto sumama sa nursery. Finally, my doctor came. Pinaliwanag sa kin na nabuhay lang ang baby for 10 hours at nang sinabi nila sa kin, nailibing na ang baby ko. Ang sakit! Di ko man lang nakita ang baby ko! Iniyakan ko buong araw at magdamag. Sa suporta ni Rudy at mga kapatid ko nakarecover agad ako and I was able to surrender.

Am back to life and was praying for another baby. But then me nararamdaman ako ke Rudy. Nag umpisa akong matakot na ang dinanas ng mother ko dadanasin ko rin. And indeed it was! The pain is UNDESCRIBABLE! Nabuhay ang galit ko sa tatay ko. Galit ako sa asawa ko, galit ako sa babae at sa mga taong nakakaalam pero nanahimik lang at pinabayaan ang asawa kong magloko! Awang awa ako sa sarili ko dahil naloko ako. Gusto kong pumatay at magpakamatay pero di ko magawa! Halos pinagdaanan ko na lahat, pero ito ang pinakamasakit. It took me years before I was really able to forgive my husband.

Brothers and sisters, lahat tayo ay may kanya-kanyang drama ng buhay at dahil dito, unpleasant emotions are here to stay.

Ano nga ba ang unpleasant emotions? Ito ay ang mga galit, takot, pag-alala at kalungkutan. Ito ay tinatawag na "negative emotions" pero mas magandang tawagin natin silang "unpleasant " dahil ang emotions ay neutral – neither positive nor negative. Ang emotion ay bahagi ng buhay na dapat di natin iniiwasan. Kapag tatawagin nating "negative" lalo natin itong iiwasan.

HOW NOT TO DEAL WITH UNPLEASANT EMOTIONS

Let me share with you 3 insane ways kung paano hinaharap ng karamihan ang iba't-ibang emosyon – at ang masamang epekto nito sa ating sarili.

1. WE AVOID THEM LIKE THE PLAGUE / INIIWASAN NATIN NA PARANG SALOT SA BUHAY.

One of my sisters is an achiever and workaholic. Nang estudyante pa sya tutok sa pag-aaral. Napaka-efficient nya sa trabaho at perfectionist na ikinatuwa naman ng mga boss nya and lead her to promotions. Planado ang buhay pati ang pagboboyfriend nya.

Everything seemed perfect with her pero there came a time na halos di na sya natutulog at sobrang depressed. She felt so empty at isinubsob na lang sarili sa trabaho. Di rin sya makapagmaintain ng relationship. She questioned everything under the sun. Sensing that there is a deeper problem than the superficial, I advised her to go through a healing of the inner child retreat.

True enough she realized that what lead her to be an achiever and workaholic is ANGER and FEAR. Sa galit nya sa tatay namin kelangan nyang maging magaling at financially stable. Takot syang maging helpless kapag magloko ang asawa nya kaya kelangan mas stable pa sya rito.

It took my sister 25 years to realize this fear and anger and for the meantime, it was driving her into depression.

2. DENY THEM LIKE IT'S NOT THERE / AYAW AMININ O WALA LANG.

June 2004 naoperahan ako. Breast cancer stage 2b ang diagnosis. During my operation halos lahat ng kapatid ko nasa hospital except for Racel. Tumawag naman ang hipag ko ke Rudy at sila pa ang umiiyak. Dahil sa malayo at tutok sya sa trabaho inintindi ko bakit hindi ako dinalaw. Nong 1^st chemo ko, naconfine ako sa Makati Medical. I was hoping na dadalawin ako ni Racel dahil mas madali namang puntahan ang Makati kesa Las Pinas. Pero ng tawagan sya ng isa kong kapatid, he was on his way to Baliuag, Bulacan, me dadalawing patay. During that time nalungkot ako at pinaprioritize pa nya ang patay kesa kapatid nya na hindi pa rin nadalaw. But I denied my feeling in the guise na naintindihan ko sya. Baka nga naman ilibing na kinabukasan yong patay.

Kapag me terminal illness ka pala, hahanapin mo ang pagdamay ng mga close friends mo. Aside sa kapatid ko, me 2 close friends din akong inaasahang dumamay sa akin. Pero hanggang nachemo ako, ni tawag or dalaw wala. Binale wala ko ang nararamdaman ko thinking na siguro meron silang mas mabigat pang problema kesa akin. I understand them.

Pero 1 night, while suffering on the effect of chemo, I asked the Lord na kunin na ako at nahihirapan na talaga ako. But then natakot ako at baka me unforgiveness pa ako sa puso ko. I need to forgive and ask for forgiveness. Tinanong ko si Lord, sinu-sino ang mga kelangan kong patawarin at hingan ng tawad. To my surprise, these 3 persons came up. Dahil sinuppress ko at dinedeny ang feelings di ko alam nagtampo na pala ako.

Brothers and sisters, when you feel neglected, sad, lonely and when you're afraid, you can deny their existence all you want, and they'll still be there staring you in the face!

Denial doesn't work! I thank God for showing me that trying to understand my brother and my friends was actually denying myself of my true feelings and the feeling of neglect was slowly leading me to resentment adding more cancer cells to my body. Ako na ang tumawag sa mga taong ito, told them of my resentment, ask for forgiveness and forgave them.

3. BE A SLAVE TO WHAT YOU FEEL / MAGING ALIPIN SA NARARAMDAMAN MO

Ito naman ang complete opposite ng denial.

Hayley is a Korean who grew up in the US. Naging girlfriend sya ng pinsan ko at naging kaibigan naming mag anak ng magbakasyon sila dito. Sa kaprangkahan nya, sasabihin nya kung ano ang nararamdaman nya at gagawin nya ang gusto nya. Wala sya ni ano mang inhibitions. She is a WYSIWG person." WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET."

Magandang tingnan on the surface. Too honest.

Last month, she and my cousin broke up. Kachat at kafriendster sya ng mga anak ko at sa blog nabasa namin how bitter she was on the break up. She attacked the Filipinos in general at lahat ng Canete sa Alaska in the net. In her honesty sa feelings nya, pati parents ng pinsan ko inaway nya. That's freedom of speech daw in the US. Hayley's disregard of the other CANETE'S feelings lead to a war in the net. Nanahimik nga ang pinsan ko but the other canetes did not.

Hayley thought emotional honesty is the most important thing in the world. Yes emotional honesty is important. It is essential for wholeness, healing, and trust in relationships. But it is not the most important thing in the world.

Ano ang pinakaimportante? Still, it is LOVE. Pagmamahal pa rin ang pinakaimportante dito sa mundo.

On Judgement Day, hindi magtatanong ang Diyos if you have been emotionally honest. Corny mang pakinggan, ang maging tanong nya ay, NAGMAHAL KA BA?

WRONG BELIEFS ABOUT UNPLEASANT EMOTIONS

Bakit nga ba ganito na lang ang pananaw natin sa emotion? Dahil sa mga maling paniniwala sa unpleasant emotions.

Let me share with you 5 examples . . .

1. FAMILIES SHOULDN'T TALK ABOUT PAINFUL TOPICS

(HWAG PAG USAPAN SA PAMILYA ANG MASASAKIT O DI MAGANDANG BAGAY)

Last October, nang makapa ko ang bukol sa naoperahan kong breast, we feared a recurrence. Para maiwasan na ng mga anak kong kunsimihin ako, Rudy told them of my situation. Somebody reprimanded him for telling my children. Di pa raw dapat. I reacted. Why not at kelan ang tamang panahon? More than anyone else, dapat malaman ng mga anak ko ang tunay na situation. Sila ang unang maapektuhan.

2. UNPLEASANT EMOTIONS AREN'T PLEASING TO GOD

Some of us belong to religious groups that don't differentiate unpleasant emotions with unpleasant behaviour. Malaki ang pagkakaiba sa behavior at emosyon. But both are condemned equally.

Ako ay isang transparent na tao. Kung ano ang nararamdaman ko, galit, takot, pag-alala, at kung anu-ano pa, sinasabi ko. But there was a point in time, na nanahimik ako at pinipili ko na lang ang mga taong pagsasabihan ko. Why? Dahil inispiritualize ako! Yon bang babanatan ka ng scripture verses by our well-meaning friends.

Siguro, kaya binigay ni Sis Fe sa kin tong talk na to because I have been sharing in our CG my feelings and experiences during that time na hindi ko pa matanggap ang pagkaroon at ang pagbalik ng cancer.

One time, we were having a CG meeting and we were sharing our concern na may bukol na naman uli ako and possibly it was a recurrence. Rudy was sharing his fears at naiiyak pa sya. After his sharing, one of our brothers read to us the October issue of Kerygma, Bo's talk on "When He Speaks, Things Happen. The brother was trying to lead us to trust in God and not to worry, BUT for us it was not what we need at that moment. Kelangan lang namin ang makinig at damhin ang takot na nararamdaman namin. EMPATHY IS THE RIGHT WORD!

Well meaning friends also sent text messages such as not to be afraid or worried, or not to be sad because I am a child of God. Doing so means I am listening to the lies of the devil

Nagrerebelde ang puso ko! Gusto ko silang pagsisigawan, for God's sake, nakakapa ko itong bukol , sasabihin mo sa kin not to worry? IKAW KAYA MAGKACANCER! Tingnan natin kung masabi mo pa yan!

Dahil dito for almost a month I withdraw. Ayaw ko nang magshare sa mga spiritual na tao at ang mga text messages, umpisa pa lang dinidelete ko na. Pili na lang ang kinakausap ko tungkol sa feelings ko. Yong lang mga taong naiintindihan ang nararamdaman ko.

Yon ang emosyon ko pero walang pinagbago ang behavior ko. I attend all the community activities, I acted normally and I counsel people who are also hurting. The more I understand them.

And before I forget, I would like to honor Rudy, in this area. During those times na nag-iiyak ako at very low, nanahimik lang sya and not a single spiritualization ang narinig ko. He is just there, supporting and crying with me. I was blessed to have an emphatizing husband! And I believe God is well-pleased.

3. SAINTS DON'T HAVE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS

Kunektado to sa naunang belief na unpleasant emotion is not pleasing God. Akala ng iba, ang mga banal na tao ay hindi na nagagalit, hindi natatakot or nalulungkot. Para sa kanila, ang mga banal, ay lagi na lang nakangiti at nagdadasal sa buong araw – katulad ng mga estatwa nila sa altar.

Ini-imagine nila na pag ang banal na tao hinohold up sa daan, magiliw pa ito sa holdaper at sabihin pa sa holdaper: "Halika hijo sa bahay at dagdagan ko pa yang hinold up mo."

Or kapag sila naman magkasakit, we imagine them crying out to God, "More pain, Lord. Give me more pain!

O kaya kung nasusunugan naman ng bahay or namatayan ng anak or nawalan ng trabaho, iniisip nating pasipol pasipol pa ito habang nagdidilig ng halaman at kumakaway sa lahat ng dumadaan.

Para sa akin, hindi sila mga santo.

Mga baliw, oo, pero santo, hindi!

Ang mga banal na tao ay natatakot, nagagalit at nalulungkot katulad ng iba – pero they just respond to these emotions differently.

4. FEELINGS MEAN WEAKNESS

Itoy malimit nating naririnig na kapag ang batang lalaki umiiyak, siya'y mahina at bakla. O kaya'y kapag ang lalaki ay good boy, walang bisyo, hindi nagpi-flare up at controlled ang emotions sya ay mahina. Para sa kanila, the less emotion they have, the stronger they are.

Ito'y napakalaking kalokohan!

5. EMOTIONS ARE OUR ENEMIES

Akala ng iba, kapag hinarap at inaacknowledge nila ang unpleasant emotions sa kanilang buhay maging sagabal ito sa kanilang success. Kaya they fight them, deny them or drive them out. Ito'y napakalaking pagkakamali – dahil ang negative emosyon ay maari nating maging kaibigan na may kaakibat na magandang regalong maibigay sa atin.

Ano ang mga regalong ito? Abangan ang part 2 sa series ng talk na ito!

MAGANDANG GABI AND GOD BLESS US ALL!

Random September First and a lot more… :p

• Atty. D stood up during our recitation. (quite unusual)
  
• Andrea is doing great in leading the sophomores and taking in charge in the preparing for the things needed for tomorrow. I am proud of her.
  
• I was able to talk to Bfr this morning, last night and a while ago. There was a lot of catching up. It just seems that we don't study in the same school. We rarely see each other.
  
• I wasn't able to do anything productive yesterday. I didn't finish recording the receipts for July to September. I didn't study anything for the week (for school). But I learned playing "That's When I Love You". (so inspired *n_n*)
  
• I said things that I should have said 2 years ago. Better late than keep it to myself forever. :p
  
• I just learned that the bar exams will start on Sunday. Wishing the best for Sir Llave. :)
  
• I was able to study in Sales today. But I studied agency instead of commodatum. I was able to read a few pages though. I just want to thank God for allowing me to be called during the early part of the recitation enabling me to answer a few questions terribly. Lol. But it's ok. At least I was not so nervous. Knowing that I already expect a recitation today. :)
  
• Exam in MAS will be tomorrow. I hope I could study well later or maybe tomorrow. (gawd, I'm kinda sleepy)
  
• I am hoping and praying for a good and successful presentation of the freshmen tomorrow. *crossed fingers* I am hoping that we could win. :)
  
• The start of my week is super fun. I was blessed to attend the Feast Pasig again. I am really happy to be with my Ympact Friends again and was able to spend quality time with them. :)
  
• I was able to achieve the friendship that I've always wanted and felt so blessed by having that friendship. :)
  
• I promised to be a really diligent student this time. One month is not yet too late. I'll be good. Promise. :)
  
• Dance min practice tomorrow. I'll be with Grax and Rjadz. Weee. It really feels great seeing them active in service. :)
  
• I am always sleepy. I don't know if I am just too lazy, or tired, or this is already a disorder. I just hope that I would not be always sleepy so I could study better.
  
• A lot of drama happened in our neighbor's house. Too much screaming. :p Ate was super hysterical (and that annoyed me much. Arggh. :-/)
  
• I'm too talkative. My bed is calling me now. He's missing me a lot. Lolz.
  

  
   

  
   

  ©ILYAD©
  

  
   

That’s When I Love You

When you have to look away
When you dont have much to say
Thats when I love you
I love you, just that way

To hear you stumble when you speak
Or see you walk with two left feet
Thats when I love you
I love you, endlessly

And when your mad cuz you lost a game
Forget Im waiting in the rain
Baby i love you,
I love you anyway

Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you, no matter what

So when you turn to hide your eyes
Cause the movie it made you cry
Thats when I love you
I love you a little more each time

And when you cant quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
Thats when I love you
I love you, more than youll know

And when you forget that we had a date
Or that look that you get when you show up late
Baby I love you, I love you anyway

Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what

Thats when I love you
When nothing baby
Nothing you do could change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
No matter what

Where art thou?

I don't know why I'm too lazy to write these past few days. I sometimes feel the urge to write the simple things that happened on my day. But whenever I'm already in front of AK (my laptop), I just feel lazy (just like now). I was supposed to write what happened today, what happened on my birthday and the rest of the past week, but I'm just too lazy…. And I don't know why. I promise to blog (when my industriousness comes back). lol. I'm sleepy again. :| waaah. This can't be. I should start being productive. :|

 

Ciao!

 

P.S. I am hoping that "keren the blogger" would be back soon. I think she's on vacation. :D

 

Gelatin. Marshmallow.

I have a lot of kwento but I'm really lazy to write. :|

My eyes are really sleepy now but there are still a LOT of JPIA stuff to do….

My midterms are………………………………………..

This is nonsense. I'm going to blog later. :D

Ciao!

Happy 21st! :)

Thank you LORD
for another year to love
and to be loved.
:)

*HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEAN, KUYA CALOY AND TITO NARCING!*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US!!! :D

Jeep

I don't like walking to school. I hate the feeling of the sweat flowing at my back. I don't like the feeling of stickiness after walking. I want to be fresh whenever I go to school. So, I prefer to ride the bus (which will take me about 30 minutes from Lawton to San Beda) instead of the jeep (which will only take me 10 minutes).

I could still remember the time when I excluded myself from my friends and find some time alone at St. Jude. I was looking for an Adoration Chapel near San Beda since last February 2008. I asked. But it seems that churches near my school don't have one (or it's just the people's innocence that they didn't know that there's an existing Adoration Chapel in the church). Anyway, I end praying and crying inside St. Jude on that fateful day. As much I wanted to have a solemn personal time with God as I cried my heart out during that time, I ended up finding silence in my heart.

It was a busy Monday for me. It's not the usual "petiks mode" during Sundays. It was "cramming mode". I have lots of things to study in TAX that I don't even know where to focus. I enjoyed solving problems though, but I hate the feeling of not knowing if I have studied enough or not. I stole an hour of sleep in during my morning and afternoon review. Then had a 2-hour sleep (from 11:30 to 1:30) this morning. I didn't sleep much. I am used to that even during high school. But unlike the feeling in high school in which you are confident to answer an exam because you know you've studied well, my morning review sessions now in college doesn't give me the feeling of security and confidence that I can hurdle the exam.

My Catholic Faith something that I've been cherishing for years. I am blessed to know God since I was born. I am blessed to grow up in a family that taught me who God is. And I am grateful for this Faith. If not for this, I wouldn't have been optimistic about things. If not for this, I would have taken my life a long time ago. If not for this, I wouldn't look forward for hope.

After a year and a half of looking for an Adoration Chapel near my school, I finally found one. It will now be my safe heaven. The place that I will always visit from now on. The reason that I am now looking forward to ride a jeep instead of a bus. Walking will not be an issue anymore. I already found my motivation.

God affirmed to me again today that He'll never leave and I should not be afraid. I am scared. But I am holding on to my faith and to His promise.

Thank you Lord for this faith. :)

 

"The LORD Himself goes before you and will be with you;

He will never leave you nor forsake you.

Do not be afraid; Do not be discouraged."

-Deuteronomy 31:8-

My top 10 non-material birthday wishes…

Why non-material? Material gifts can be easily bought by MONEY!!! If only I have money, I could buy anything I want. Money can be easily earned (ok fine. not really.), but money is something generic. And things that can be bought by money are generic! So I have this 10 non-material birthday wishlist.

1. Pass all my subjects this semester.
   
2. Graduate on April 8/9, 2010. :D
   
3. Pass the CPA Board Exam on October 2010. :)
   
4. Not to be hurt too much when … (though shall not be posted publicly. :p)
   
5. Be happy and feel contented and blessed in everything. :)
   
6. That Papa, Ate Kay and Jem will always be happy.
   
7. For my friends (especially Loren) to pass the CPA Board Exam.
   
8. Spend time with friends!!!
   
9. Have a vacation with my family. :)
   
10. No more FAMILY FEUD…
    

I know that some are too idealistic. But those are my birthday wishes (no objections please. :D).

(no room for love. I think I'm not ready to fall for someone new. He's still there. But don't get me wrong. I'm happy and contented that we're friends and nothing more than that.)

Tic tac tic tac tic tac tic tac tic tac.

25 hours 'til my 21st. :)

As Promised. :)

Time started: 11:30pm

I put the time so that I could really tell you that I blogged as promised. But since that dsl is having its usual tantrums again, and I just got home, I don't think I can finish this blog before 12:00 midnight. But at least, I started it tonight which is still a part of the "tomorrow" that I said yesterday. :)

There's so much to tell. So much to write so that when I can remember no more, I can browse on this page and remember how my life has been.

Monday

Monday is ok. We had a quiz in MAS about cash flow (ang walang kamatayang cash flow). I got 6/11=54%. Sir Quijano got mad at us because we weren't able to study the IRR of the Accountancy Law. And Tax was a relief for the first time. :) Atty. D just discussed things that we don't know (then we realized that there are A LOT of things in TAX that we don't know.).

 

Tuesday

I didn't come to school early that day. I came an hour before our audit class and still haven't read anything in audit. I borrowed Joey's copy of the IRR when I saw him outside the lib, wrote in the sorry card for sir quijano then went to class. We had a little surprise for sir Quijano to make amends to our misbehavior last Monday.

If we gave Sir Quijano a surprise, Atty. D gave us a surprise- quiz. I only got 36%! I'm not really good in law and my hopes for that subject are slowly declining as days pass. But I want to be optimistic. I can still do something and I'm holding on to that.

I went home with Grax, Rjadz and Erika. We did our FSA and a lot of eating. :D It was a very productive overnight. At least we were able to finish 80% of our paper.

 

Wednesday

We slept at 7am then I woke up at 10am to work for our paper again. It was a long night for us and we were all stressed and tired. Thank God for Pres. Cory that it was a declared holiday or else we will be in school. We finished doing our fsa at 5pm. We left home at 6:30pm.

I was planning to practice for the Feast Manila but since we weren't able to finish our paper early, I just end up practicing for the Music Min. I was really shy. I was blessed to have Katty around. Kuya alfie was really nice to me (as well as the others though they don't really talk to me). Being part of music ministry was my dream ever since the Feast started. Singing is one of my greatest passion that even though I know that I'm not the best singer that this world could offer, my heart for singing can compensate for my voice. I just observed their practice then was asked to sing after. I was not prepared! I don't even know what song I should sing. I was so nervous when kuya ji started to play. I sang "I offer my life" with a nervous and cracky voice. Then it came to me once again that I can't sing alone comfortably in front of people that will hear me for the first time.

 

Thursday

I didn't come to school early again. I was almost late for MAS. It was a lazy Thursday for me. Nothing much to tell.

 

Friday

We had an exam in MAS. Then discussed annex a, b & c of the IRR. We just had a discussion in sales. Then I happily went to the MANILA FEAST. :)

I learned something that day: a woman's instinct is really one of a kind, it may not be completely true but more or less, the idea that something different is happening is there.

 

Saturday

God truly blesses me. Sir Uro was really nice to allow us to take the exam anytime within our period. I took our supposed to be 11am exam at 1pm. :)

I wasn't able to study for accrev but thank God that he made Sir Tony lazy again today that he wasn't able to prepare a quiz today and just chose to discuss CASH FLOW!

It was a tiring day.
Rjadz, Erika and I (with grax again) went to Rjadz's dorm to finish our FSA. We weren't able to finish everything but at least we were almost done. Almost. :)

 

I have a lot of plans for today (SUNDAY). I just hope that I could execute them well. I am good in planning. But never in implementing. I just need to change now. I can. (crossed fingers)

Blessing will be pouring. God is good!

 

Time ended: 12:07am

Should I?

FACEBOOK is God's way of saying, "KEREN, you should really move forward now. You already got what you've been asking for."

I'm a hypocrite if I'll say that I'm not hurting. I am, but not that much.

I'm ok. I just sometimes hate my instincts. Lol.

=)

I have a lot more stories to tell. I'll blog tomorrow. Promise. :D

LATE POST!!! July 23, 2009 is a HAPPY day

LATE POST! I found this file while cleaning up my desktop. I think I fell asleep while I was writing this blog then opt to save it first before publishing it. But then, I forgot to publish and even finish it. :P

 

I should have been sad after the surprise quiz in tax. 97% of the class got 0 (including me) in the quiz. But instead of being sad about it, I was more excited to finish the class because of this text message: "mam, ditto nap o laptop u pede nyo na kuha bukas". Don't mind the sentence construction, just mind its meaning. Finally, after more than two weeks of not having AK, she's now back in my arms and functioning pretty well. Two weeks was worth the wait I guess. I was really overjoyed to have AK back. I miss doing this, lying down while typing my blog.

AK got three scratches. She got two near the touch pad and one on the cover. I overreacted when I saw the scratches. But what should I do, AK got hurt and I can't do anything to remove the scratches. They are a part of AK now. AK with scratches. =( But if those scratches were the reason why AK's touchpad is functioning well now, then so be it. I am looking forward for AK's sleeves soon from Ate Kay. It will be her birthday gift for me. :D

Happiness today isn't all about AK. There's a lot more. But AK is a big part of it and she's the main reason for this evening's happiness. :D

There are a lot more things to be happy about. My July 23, 2009 started at 12:00am with me, reading the lecture materials in MAS. I thought it would be difficult to understand and it will take me an hour to finish reading the lecture. But lo and behold, it only took me 20minutes to finish reading Garrison's cash flow lecture with much understanding. :) after MAS, I studied fringe benefit in tax and that was the first time ever that I felt that I understood the lesson in tax in one seating.

End

I think that there are a lot more stories I want to share last July 23 but then, I fell asleep. Sleep is good! I need more of it. :D

    

Lazy Sunday

My Sunday started outside the house. Grax and I came home late last night from Cubao. Rjadz, Erika and I were planning to do our MAS paper. But we just end up dividing the work. It was kinda productive though.

I just got home from mass with Ate Kay and Pre. It's my first time again to hear mass on a Sunday evening. I usually hear mass on Saturdays or Sunday mornings, but today was different because today is a lazy Sunday.

I haven't done anything for school today. But I was glad to have short chats with friends and family. It was quite a while. It was nice hearing stories from people I haven't seen for months now. Thank God for technology! :D

Because I slept at 4am, I woke up at around 10 then slept again then woke up at around 5. Then I watched Kris Aquino's exclusive interview at the buzz. I cried with her. I feel for her. Her story reminded me of what happened last year when Mama was suffering from cancer. I know how it feels to lose a mom, and I know how it feels to take care of someone with cancer. She's right, it's better to be away from a loved than to be with her then see her suffer. I admire Pres. Aquino's strength as well as her family for facing this trial with faith.

Because of our hangover from watching The Buzz, Ate and I reminisced the fateful April 1, 2008. It still pains me to remember the day when I lose Mama. But despite the pain, I know that wherever she is, she is happy. And she's still with us, guiding and protecting us every single day.

I started thinking about my planned funeral again. I know I'm different. Girls like me would usually plan their wedding day, but I don't have plans for my wedding day, I only have plans for my funeral. My classmates in high school know about those plans and even my family does. I am looking forward for that day, seeing in everyone in blue or white, hearing my requested funeral songs sung by my friends. It will be a celebration, not mourning. By that time, I know that I have lived my life to the fullest and hopefully accomplished God's mission for me. :D

I should start doing something productive now. Live to love! :D

The great love

He is the one great love that I almost had but will never have. No regrets. I'm happy to be his friend, and nothing more than that even in the future. We'll just be friends all our lives. Cheers to friendship! :)

 

"When magic ends, friendship begins…"

Chocolate ice cream cake + paotsin = csb mission

Playing on the background: Set You Free (MYMP)

CSB mission is back! And I haven't done anything productive yet today for school. There's a quiz in MAS tomorrow (hopefully, there'll be none. Waaah.), a recit in LAW about capital gains and an activity in AUDIT theory about code of ethics. I don't know where to start. I just want to sleep. :( tsk tsk.

I didn't attend the dance min practice today. As much as I wanted to, I chose not. PAASCU visit will start tomorrow and I don't have time to study tomorrow morning that's why I just chose to stay home today and study. I just hope that I could really study for tomorrow.

I still don't have a globe number. :( I think I'm out of the circulation. Tsk tsk. But hopefully, I'll have a globe number by tomorrow because grax is very generous in lending her phone to me. Yey. Thanks grax! I just need to buy a sim card. :D

I was with him today. But things are just casual, and I'm glad that they are. At least I'm ok. I know I am. I still like him though. Things will be fine. I still haven't told jem about that. But I'm glad that I was able to tell Ate this morning.

Two weeks 'til I turn 21. As much as I want to think about my birthday, I am thinking more about the upcoming midterms 1 ½ weeks from now. I just wish that God will continue to bless me (I know He will). :)

PAASCU

Today was a very tiring but very productive day. We ended a little late but hearing praises from people who saw the finished product erases all the tiredness for the day. Today indeed is a very controversial day. Controversial because it's full of controversies. Lol. I can still remember how people reacted when they first saw what we were working at. The rumors and the emergency meeting that they held just to settle things. But in the end, WE PREVAILED. :D

This batch of JPIA officers was really great, wonderful, creative, talented, hardworking and responsible. There are some minor issues regarding their tardiness, but with all fairness, we work with excellence, something worth noticing, something that will be remembered and truly make them think that we're not just bookworms, we're not just nerds, we are Accountancy Majors and wherever you'll give us, we'll do it with excellence. :) I didn't worked hands on with the booth and true enough, Romeo and the rest of the "physical design" team did a marvelous job that made the admin (who were criticizing us in the morning) amazed. If only I had a camera, I already took the picture of the booth. It was a great example for the other departments. Truly, DEPARTMENT OF ACCOUNTANCY IS THE FLAGSHIP OF THE COLLEGE OF ARTS AND SCIENCES OF SAN BEDA COLLEGE.

I love JPIA! :)

The day started with a rejection but ended up with joy. I don't know why I feel this way. Maybe I already saw things coming. Maybe I already know that this will happen. Maybe I already accepted that this will happen that's why I'm ok. Or am I really ok? Or am I just too preoccupied with school matters and things haven't sunk in yet? Whatever it is, for now I don't care. :p

This day was great! Thank you LORD! :)

Popo!

Popo. A new member of the Porky family. His name is Popo, short for Porky.

I lost my cellphone again. It was heartbreaking. I was hysterical last Saturday because of that. My classmates saw how I cried badly. But I am really thankful and blessed to have them around. They really helped me ease the pain of losing my phone for the third time this year. If I come to think of it, I was hurting not because I lost the phone. I was hurting because I lost something that I've worked for. It's not being materialistic. Papa got angry (as expected). I truly wasted P5,000. But looking at the brighter side of it (which what Crisvi had been pointing out since Saturday), things were lost because better things will come. I'm really holding on to that thought.

I had a great time with YMPACT yesterday. I wish I could do that often. I wish. It was fun being at the Feast Pasig again. It was almost two months since the last time I was there. And…

Is it stupid to ask the guy you love to find someone else than you? I know it is. So I am stupid. :p

JPIA plus others will be busy for PAASCU tomorrow. I just hope we could finish all the tasks on time. :)

I need AK back!!!

My deepest hopes of getting AK back after one week is crashed. :( It has been two weeks and two days now since I returned it to Accent-Micro and up to now, hp service center hasn't returned it to them. I need AK back!!! I don't want to use this desktop anymore. :( It just feels different. And I can't have privacy here since Jem is the administrator. But I'm glad we still have desktop. I was still able to surf the net even if it took me more time. :)

After almost two weeks of not being online, finally, I was able to check my emails and my fb account and blog today. I'm still wide awake now taking some rest from reading fringe benefits and notes about cash flow. My Wednesday wasn't productive in terms of school. But at least I was able to wash some shoes and slippers, clean my drawer, arrange my files in school, throw away broken shoes and close my RCBC atm account (because I have a new BPI atm account. Yey). I think cleaning up is my relaxation from all the stress in school.

I feel irresponsible yesterday. I didn't go to school for the cor week. I think that we're the only organization who didn't participate yesterday. But I asked permission from Brian. I didn't go to school because I wanted to rest. But I feel guilty not being there. Tsk.

I am looking forward that this sem will be over. The seniors are dying!!! Having to meet Atty. D everyday every week is a struggle. I hope my body would be able to cope up with all the stress and won't give up. There are a lot of plans this summer and I'm really excited for those plans as well as celebrating my graduation with my family in Mindanao. I just hope and pray that everything will go as planned.

It's almost 4am and I think the caffeine is still working on me. (Bacchus is effective again!!! Yey!!!)

Today started wonderfully because… GOD blessed with a wonderful friend. And He'll continue to show me more friends today. But I'm happy having the friend. :)

Missing AK! :(

This is my first time to blog again using the blogger website. I miss AK. I am hoping to have it back next wednesday. Kuya Jerome promised me that he'll try his best to return it to me next week. And I am badly looking forward for it because I already need to start our MAS paper. But for today and tomorrow, there are A LOT more things to do.

My Saturday wasn't productive for school but it is productive for God. It feels different to talk again in front of the youth. It feels like first time.

I haven't started anything yet for MAS, Tax and Audit. And I am hoping to finish everything tomorrow. I can do this. :)

The week was great! I had wonderful moments with friends both from Beda and YMPACT. And I feel that God is truly blessing me so much.

I know that there are more trials this coming week, but surely, God will never ever give me something that I can't endure. That's His promise. And I know He will not forget it. :)

Thank you Lord! :)

Boom

This is one of the moments when I am wishing that I have a dorm. I'm really tired of the travel to and from school. But I can't leave my room and my things and my family alone. It would be sad. :|

The tambyolo won't be used anymore for sales and tax. Boom. For sure I'll be called on Thursday and Friday. :(

Tomorrow will be a hectic Wednesday. I am hoping to survive it including the dreadful Thursday.

I am way behind tax and sales. I should read more. :|

I have a report in MAS that I should start now.

I need to read evidence again and assurance report for audit.

The title of this blog should not be "boom". It should be to do's.

This is a nonsense blog. Nevermind.

Monday Morning

Location: Papa's bedroom with Marius and sisters

I spent half of the day here in Papa's room because of the heat. I was hoping for the rain, but it didn't come.

I was supposed to be in a happy mood before writing this blog. But now, I'm really pissed with people who must be sorry and admitted for the wrong they've committed but instead became proud. You'll learn your lesson. You know me enough. You'll see. :|

I'm not in the mood to blog. Later.

=)

Smile. Mile. Tile. Bile. File. Rile.

Rhyme. Dime. Mime. Crime. Lime. Time.

Cry. Sigh. Tie. Lie. Bye.

Miserivigable

miserivigable /mis-e-ri-vi-ga-ble/

adjective

 

1. a Bedan Accountancy Major's life
   
2. a compound word for "give" and "misery"
   

 

It is already given that misery is part of a Bedan Accountancy Major's life.

This is a miserivigable life. :P

 

I missed blogging yesterday! But I had a fantastic time with the dance ministry last night. A little time to stretch my body and use my hidden talent (as if. Lolz.). I can dance, but I'm not really that good at it. But at least I can dance for the Lord. :)

Jem, I and Chao slept at Mommy Cookie's house with Daddy Pao. I read a few pages of MAS before I slept. Nothing really registered in my mind. I was tired and my brain is malfunctioning. I can't comprehend anything! All I know was it was about financial ratios. :p

I woke up at 2:30 am, 30 minutes late that what I have scheduled before going to bed. I had barely three hours of sleep and my body is looking for more. But I can't. I can't procrastinate now because I haven't really studied anything for today. I have a quiz and homework in MAS, an exam in Audit Theory and a recitation in Tax. I literally didn't know where to start. I was cramming again.

I prayed first, asking God for enlightenment on what to do and how should I budget my time. I took a bath then had my scripture time. Then I started reading the framework of ISA. I finished reading up to paragraph 40. I didn't memorize anything. I just read.

Then I went to school with Jem. I wasn't able to say goodbye to Cookie and Kuya Pao because they're still asleep. I arrived in Beda at 6:30am. I immediately went up to the library to review for Tax. Thank God that Pio arrived early and he just taught me all the things he knew in tax that's why I didn't bother reading the long lecture of Valencia anymore.

There was supposed to be a quiz in MAS. Thank God for 90-minute class, Ms. Manuel can't do anything but to cut the class short and give the exam next meeting. After MAS, my boyfriends stayed at the snackbar to grab some snacks. Erika, Santy, Romeo, Kim, Ate Joy and Crisvi joined us in

(Boyfriends
n. – collective term for Rjadzper, Kester, Pio and Rabena)

our table, and that started my heaven on a hell day.

Burst of laughter fill the air. We're still complaining, but we're happy. Miseravigable is now a colloquial word for us. :D We laughed at the corniest jokes and ate a lot of oatmeal cookies. :)

My exam in Audit was a disaster because I didn't memorize anything. But I don't care. :P I'm still happy because I wasn't called in Tax. :)

I reunited with some friends. I don't feel guilty anymore.

I feel superblessed. :)

Lord thank you for never letting me down and for always being with me. I love you! I am looking forward for a very successful the Feast Manila launch tomorrow. :D

Sorry. :(

Dear Friend,

I'm sorry if I can't give up a little of my time for you today. I know I have not been a good friend lately. I was not always there for you. I'm really sorry. I really feel bad for turning you down today. My excuse is stupid. I know you were hurt. I know you feel rejected. I'm really sorry. I don't know if you'll ever trust me again but I hope you'll understand me. I'm really sorry for not making time for you today. I hope you'll feel ok. I'm sorry. Take care.

Keren

Thank God for 40! and a lot more :)

Thank God for 40!

I thought I was the only one who took the opportunity to rest for the whole week, apparently, almost all of us just took the time off from school works and grabbed enough rest. In short, 4AAC wasn't not prepared for today's recitation in TAX. In fact, 5 didn't attend the class. They hurriedly sneaked out of the room after Audit so that Atty. D wouldn't see them.

Atty. D clattered the tambyolo after checking the attendance. Everyone was trembling and hoping that their number wouldn't be called. Then 33! The question is about income tax, and I'm so dead. I studied, but I was only able to finish the basic principles and not yet about tax on individuals. 33 wasn't able to correctly answer Atty. D. Then the famous "that will do" followed.

He clattered again and picked 23. Luckily, 23 was absent. Then 17, who was also absent. Then…….

He picked 40!!!

40 is the number assigned to Atty. D, and when he picks his number, he will just conduct a discussion instead of a recitation. And there it was! Tadaa! 40! The quiet and trembling 4AAC suddenly became noisy as if they won in Bingo. (but thinking about it, it is more than winning the Bingo! It's being spared from the recitation for the whole period and it's a marvelous blessing for 4AAC.

But more than the joy of being spared from the recitation, I felt that God is with me, and He never failed to let me feel that He's always there for ready to rescue. I remembered my prayer this morning, I told Him:

"Lord, alam niyo naman pong nag-aral ako. Pero kung mali man ang pinag-aralan ko, kayo na po bahala."

And He really took care of the rest. He indeed is my rescuer, my God, my Savior. I just need to remember that I should always trust without fear. :)

 

Welcome back to BSA Life

Our class will start at 1:30pm but I was already in school at 7:30am. I was cramming. I have two quizzes and a recitation for the day and all I did was scan and lecture a little (and sleep) for the past few days. It's not surprising to see many of my classmates to be also in the library early in the morning. Everyone was cramming. This is our life, something that we have learned to embrace for the past three years.

Ma'am Manuel talked about her make-up class. And it feels that we already missed a lot in MAS well in fact, we only missed 3 hours from her class. The "make-up classes" rings so much in my ear. She's on it again. The ever industrious professor whose favorite past time is to conduct make-up classes even if there's no more need for one. Sigh. And she didn't forget to prepare for our exam today, just like as promised. And as usual, she bombarded us with homeworks due on Thursday plus an exam about FSA!

Homework+quiz=no rest on a Wednesday

 

The Feast Manila!

I was able to talk to Sir Quijano today about the Feast Manila and he was very eager to attend. I even told him to volunteer and he was willing to be a reader for the Feast. I'll just tell Tita Anabelle about it. :)

I am happy to be able to invite people to the Feast. I know that I haven't invited much yet (and I could invite more) but I'm glad that I could hear yes from friends and I have Sir Quijano to help me out in inviting my classmates (even if we will come late due to a 6-7:30pm class in Sales).

I am really excited for the Feast Manila. I know that God will continue to arrange my schedule so that I could serve. :)

 

Ciao! :P

I'm off to study now or to bed. I'm still confused on what I should do. I still have 8 paragraphs in Audit and 75 articles in Sales to review until 3pm tomorrow. I just hope that I could finish everything. :) I am not procrastinating anymore. I just wish I did this a week ago. :P

I just want to say that God truly works for good to all those who love Him. Thank you Lord! :)

My own personal Angel :)

I have a problem, I sleep a lot. And when I say a lot, it's really a lot. For the past week, I slept more than 8 hours a day. If my calculations were right, I slept for more than 12 hours a day. Every time I had the intention to study, I just fall asleep and I don't know why.

I tried my best to wake up early in the morning and do the routine that I always had before. But I failed. The attempt to study during the wee hours in the morning is not anymore effective for me because I can't even wake up. I am deeply bothered. I promised myself to use this time wisely, but I didn't.

Then I prayed, lifting up this problem to God.

It's 2:49am in my laptop. 3:45am in my clock. And I don't feel sleepy at all. God heard my prayer, and He answered it. Maybe it is His will for me to sleep so that I could rest and be ready for the week. I don't want to rely on energy drinks anymore because they are not good for the health. And I want to take care of myself for God, so that I could use my life for service.

Today is the solemnity of Sts. Paul and Peter. I didn't know St. Peter's story until today (except for the famous verse "And so I say to you, you are Peter and upon this rock I will build my church…"). Truly, God works in marvelous ways. He saved St. Peter from King Herod so that He would be able to do His will, to build His church.

God was using His angels to save His children from harm. We all have our own angels and I know who's mine. I just want to say thank you to God for allowing her to be my angel. And thank you to my angel who was always there to help me out and listen to God's orders.

Thank you Lord! Thank you Mama! (the special angel God personally picked for me :D)

 

P.S. Sunday was great to see Grax and to invite her to the Feast Manila. I finally recruited Marius (my cousin who's living here with us) to come to the Feast Manila and I even told him to bring his friends. I am hoping to invite more. Btw, my Sunday was productive. I was able to study for tax. Yey! :)

Trust without Fear :)

Background music: while I have breath (Mama's favorite worship song)

Today's reading reminded me to trust God without fear. I am often in doubt. I am always afraid. But here He goes again today, knocking on my heart, trying to eliminate the fear that I'm feeling. I am afraid of failing especially in this final stretch. But I don't want to give up my service. I didn't commit to Him last January because of fear. But He is really calling me. I said no a lot of times but I always end up doing the other way. He made The Feast Manila for me. He called me to serve and here I am, following His call. But I am in fear again. Fear of failing in school. I can't afford to fail. Not again.

I've been always praying to Him about this, I never got a direct answer but He is really leading me for service. There was a part in Tito Obet's talk last night about commitment. He told us to sing the chorus of Sa 'Yo Lamang wholeheartedly, meaning every word that we say. I was hesitant to stand. I prayed, and all I said to God was "Lord, kayo na po bahala. Gusto kong magserve, basta kayo na bahala". Then I stood up and sang the song with teary eyes. I am afraid. I am so afraid. But today's scripture told me that I should not doubt nor fear.
God is and will always be with me. I should learn to trust without fear.

A vision appeared to me while I was praying the rosary:

MALLARI KEREN GRAINE CANETE

I saw my name in the list of CPA board passers. I will become a CPA and God was assuring me of that. And I know that He wants me to forget the fears in my heart. He wants me not to worry about things because He'll take care of the rest. He is the God of the impossible. He will work for good to all those who love Him.

I am God's servant. I am here to serve His kingdom. And in Him, I will fear no more.

Lord, thank you! :)

Campus Tour

Today is a very busy and productive Thursday. Finally, I stepped out of my shell and helped out physically. :) From SM Manila to Intramuros to SM again to Taft, tiring but fun especially you're with people with the same passion for service. :) For the record, we went to the following schools:

1. Lyceum
   
2. Mapua
   
3. Letran
   
4. Colegio de Sta. Rosa
   
5. Universidad de Manila
   
6. Philippine Normal University
   
7. Sta. Isabel College
   
8. Adamson University (including grade school)
   
9. Emilio Aguinaldo College
   
10. Manila Science High School
    
11. De La Salle University
    
12. College of St. Benilde
    
13. St. Scholastica College
    

I just realized that I pass by more or less 20 schools (including those in recto) whenever I go to school. Am I living that far???? Lolz. I went inside La Salle again and I went to the renovated CR. I miss the CRs in La Salle. They're really the best!!!

Got a big glass of zentea! Yey. I missed that. I miss Tuesdays at Zentea. :( I miss Patty! I haven't seen her for a while. :(

I just want to blog. :D

Ciao!

Btw, I love being with friends today. :) and I got one mission accomplished. :D

Grax is back! Hi grax! :)

Janus and Nanna

Procrastinating a bit, I was wondering why I wasn't able to see feeds from Nanna's blog. There's a computer language out there that tells me that blah blah blah blah blah. Nosebleed! Lolz. To make the story short, I just bookmarked Nanna's blog in my toolbar to keep myself updated from my ex blockmate who I am missing a lot! (oh yes nanna, I am missing you more than I miss my bf, but I also miss you bf! Don't worry.)

While I was reading her blog and her sweetness to her boyfriend, I suddenly became curious about Janus' blog. So I went to his page and read. And he's sweet (understatement). True enough, he patiently waited for her for three years, became a friend then eventually her loving boyfriend. I feel really happy for Nanna because she has Janus, a bestfriend and a boyfriend who will not intentionally hurt her in anyway and someone who'll love her forever. But I can say that Janus is luckier (bias!!!) to have Nanna as his girl. What more could he ask for? :D

I am happy for the both of them. So in love. <3 Btw, I love reading your blogs, I just wish I have more time. Best wishes for both of you! :p

Let the rain pour!

I'm two days late from my intended schedule. I'm procrastinating again, but not anymore today. I am slowly leaving all my internet habits. I just uploaded the AOD pictures in fb today then I won't open it again. I am not planning to go online today unless it is badly needed. All I have now is my blog which by the way, I am really enjoying to write on. (thanks to the MS 2007, if not for this, I'll be really lazy to write). =)

I received an e-mail today from Dr. Ryan about our 9-day novena for Manila Feast. I prayed. :) I am not participating actively in the preparations for the Manila Feast. I feel useless especially I'm part of the youth council. So I just prayed. Maybe my little prayer could go a long way. I hope it will. :)

I woke up today hearing the raindrops falling on the roof. And it made me smile. The rain never failed to wash away the bad mood I have. It refreshes my soul as well as my mind. And I love the cool air it always brings. I'm happy again.

Today's reflection is about how much a little obedience to God can change a person. I can testify to this. I obeyed God yesterday when He told me to open my heart and learn to trust people again. True enough, when Papa arrived home yesterday, he was really nice. He was also sick though (I think the virus I brought home infected a lot of us. Tsk.). But he's more caring and more loving. And it's a big miracle that he didn't go out last night and just stayed in his room. I am happy that he's home even though we don't talk. I know that he appreciated the text message I sent to him yesterday even if he won't tell it. I hope that I will always have the courage to send that kind of text message to Papa. I know that he needs it and I also want to make him feel that I love him so much, it's just that I'm not used to it. But I'll try my best. :)

I'm looking forward to finish reading the two chapters from Carter today and the 11-page lecture that Ms. Manuel gave us. I am looking forward to being productive today.

The rain is still pouring, and I am happy. :)

Thank you Lord for blessing me and making me feel loved. :)

Btw, let me share to you some pictures during our activities last Friday. (thanks to red lens ^_^)

JPIA Officers 2009-2010

Kester (IVP), Keren (Pres), Santy (EVP)

Trust

I don't like being sad anymore. Ate is right, the problem is within me. I know that I am thinking a lot. And today, I am choosing to be ok. I had a fight with Ate this morning. She's borrowing my laptop and I didn't lend it to her. I don't trust her with my things. I don't trust her with any material thing.

That's the problem with me. It's really hard for me to trust if I find reasons not to. I easily trust someone, but from the moment I find reasons not to, I suddenly detach myself and lean on my own understanding. I know that what I'm doing is wrong. I should have listened to them. But I didn't. I'm hardheaded. I'm scared. I don't want pain. I don't want rejection.

"There is no fear in love but perfect love casts out fear."

I think that I haven't loved perfectly. My mission in life is to live to love. I do love, but not the kind of love that can cast out fear. I don't love wholeheartedly because of fear. And up to now I'm still scared. But God reminded me today to trust Him. Then I remembered this verse:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path."

I am scared to trust people around me even my friends and my family. I feared being hurt in the end so my defense mechanism is to detach myself to people whenever I feel a slightest rejection or pain.

I trust God so much. He is my crying shoulder. He never abandoned me especially when I'm in dire need. He's always there for me. He always makes me feel that I'm welcome to Him anytime. And He told me this morning to learn to trust people that He blessed me with.

This will not be easy for me, but I'm looking forward in perfecting the craft of trusting. I may fail. But today, I'm willing to take the risk. Just please bear with me. :)

Haircut

I could still clearly remember how I cried hard while watching The Proposal last night. I'm not crying because of the movie, I was crying because I'm beginning to regret the things that I've done before. I have my own reasons. I know I have good reasons. But I don't know why a simple joke tore my heart and made me cry bucket of tears. I'm not exaggerating. I even consumed one roll of tissue last night. I know that I cried myself to sleep last night. I can see two puffed red eyes when I look at the mirror. I woke with a heavy heart, still full of regrets. I know I'm not ok but still insisted to go through the day normally.

I exchanged few text messages with friends and I found myself crying again. I didn't expect that this will be a big deal for me. He's right, we already talked and what's more important is now because we can't do anything about the past. But I can't help but to blame myself. And up to now, I am still blaming myself.

I had brunch with Papa and Jem. Jem was sick this morning and I'm suspecting that it is swine flu. But thank God that her fever was gone. Papa told his litany again. I asked few questions that I know offended him so much. He is so defensive. And that conversation added to the heaviness that I'm feeling. Ate called and tried to talk to me. But I don't want to talk about things. I just want to stay quiet and cry if my eyes feel like doing so.

I left home and went to the parlor. Cookie was asking me to do something for Manila Feast. As much as I wanted to help, I didn't. I don't want to stay at home. I want to leave. I want to go away. Our house is not welcoming anymore. I felt like a prisoner. So I went out.

I stayed in the parlor for quite a while. I have my new haircut. It is true, if you're not feeling ok, go to a parlor and have a make-over. I didn't have a full make-over. But my hair was shorter and it felt good. I was able to smile at Ate Weng who cut my hair. Then I went home.

I want to be happy now. But I can't help but feel that there's something negative here at home. I just want to stay here in my room, alone. Not talking with anyone. I don't want anyone to talk with me. I am not ok. But I'm trying to be.

I'm still looking for my rainEbow. I haven't found it yet. But I hope that it'll find me soon. :|

When jokes hit you hard (because it’s true)

Sunday was great but Father's day wasn't. Where's the father's day if you don't have a father to celebrate it with? I still have my tampo with papa. Hay. Lord knows why and I think that my reasons are reasonable. But I'll talk to him maybe later, when I'm back into my bubbly and happy mood.

He joked and I should have laughed at that joke, but instead I signed out and cried. If you've probably seen me now, you'll laugh at me (I'm crying again while I'm typing this K). He shouldn't be blamed, he just told the truth that made me realize that I was and will never be worthy of him.

I'm still looking for the rainEbow. I'll find it soon. =)

 

P.S. Sorry Niki for this sad blog. Just when you told me that you love reading my optimistic blogs, I suddenly blogged this. =p

AH1N1, my blessing in disguise =)

JPIA had two successful activities yesterday (which are the last major activities for this semester). The planning, preparations and implementing were exhausting. Sacrifices were made by my officers that put our grades in risk. Even though we haven't answered well Atty. D's neither questions about police power, nor the definition of the Latin words used in Sales, nor read another paragraph of the framework of ISA, nor read the 11-page handout of Ms. Manuel, just by seeing the success of the activities, everything was worth it. I am really proud of my officers. There may be problems, but those are only minor problems. I saw their cooperation and determination to make the activity a success. And I am really proud how they strived hard to work for this. Our activities might look simple for some, but who cares? We worked our butts off and I'm really proud and happy for them.

My health didn't work harmoniously with the activities. I feel really tired. Before the mass yesterday, the news about the confirmed cases of ah1n1 in Beda was already promulgating. And after the confirmation that we will have one week vacation, I felt relieved. I am really looking forward for rest and here it is granted. It is true that AH1N1 is a curse for a lot of people, but I can say that it is a blessing for me. If not for that, classes won't be suspended and I can't have the much needed rest that I badly want. If not for AH1N1, I may end up not going to school for a few days next week because of over fatigue. But God didn't allow that to happen. Praise God!

Today will be my rest day. Sunday will be a day for God and YMPACT. And the rest of the week is for studying. I badly need to study now and utilize my time really well. I can do this through Christ who strengthens me. =)