Stress
n.
strain felt by somebody: mental, emotional, or physical strain caused, e.g. by anxiety or overwork. It may cause such symptoms as raised blood pressure or depression.
Microsoft® Encarta® 2009. © 1993-2008 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.
Why would I feel stressed if I haven't started anything yet? Why do I feel like this? I don't feel at ease. I feel burdened. I'm pissed. I'm offended. I'm distressed.
self·ish [sélfish]
adjective
1. | looking after own desires: concerned with your own interests, needs, and wishes while ignoring those of others | |
2. | demonstrating selfishness: showing that personal needs and wishes are thought to be more important than those of other people | |
Microsoft® Encarta® 2009. © 1993-2008 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.
Selfish. That's how she sees me. I'm not just being selfish when I told her that I'm really using it. It's not hers!!! It was given to her because they broke mine. That was a replacement for me. It's more expensive. But if only she lend it with my permission, then they would not need to replace it and this will not end like this. I'm really pissed with her.
Am I wrong? am I really selfish? Why wouldn't she buy for herself? She has money anyway. The problem with her is she wouldn't invest on things that will be useful in the future. She would burden others when she could have bought for herself. She will never understand.
How can I reflect on the gospel if I feel this way? I'm not happy. I feel that I don't deserve the time that You will give to me because I'm not ready to talk with full attention.
Lord sorry. I know that I should not pray only when I feel like praying, when I feel I need You. But how could I face You this way when my heart is full of hatred? Would they still love me amidst of this? She already judged me. And I don't feel they love me. I don't need those now. The other one thinks that I get more than what I should while the other one thinks that I'm selfish. Will they ever love me?
I'm proud. I don't want to lower my pride. Arggh. I hate myself. Maybe it will be better tomorrow. Sorry Lord for acting this way.
I promise to be ok tomorrow. Sorry. I should not have surfed the internet. :( honestly, I always see that it's the devil's way to tempt me to surf instead of studying. :( I hate it. :( I have a choice. I can do this. Lord help. :/
How can I speak of love if I don't love them enough that I can't sacrifice my own for them? I'm a hypocrite. :( When will it ever occur to me that it should be others first? I am the one wrong here. I just can't accept the fact that I'm pointing my finger towards myself instead of her. I hate this feeling. :(
Do I need You more now? I just feel I don't deserve Your attention. This is an emotional stress. :( I need to refocus. Haiz.
In dire need of help….
Keren
