Arggh.

I hate one-sided freaks. Immature. When will you ever learn to listen? Arggh. :(

021410 Happy Love Day! :)

God never failed to surprise those who loves Him.

 
 

Today is love day, a perfect time to show love to others especially to my family. The dinner was…. It was not the best dinner with Papa, Ate and Jem. But I am glad that I was able to celebrate this day with the people who matters most to me. At the end of the night, I began to act childish again. Maybe because I wasn't feeling well. I was feeling a lot of things that I wanted to share with them but I can't and I don't know why. Words just don't come out and I don't think they would understand me. Maybe Mama will, but not them. I felt that they were not in the mood to listen to me. I can't feel that they're ready to hear my sentiments nor understand what I was going through. Even I myself, I don't understand. I just wanted to cry. I just want to pray and cry.

 
 

I am blessed to be a part of the council of the Youth Feast. It was unexpected. It is a blessing and a responsibility. I volunteered for other ministries. But they still assigned me to head intercessory. Honestly, I am really clueless in what I should do. When I received the manual this morning, I already wanted to cry. I don't know why I feel happy but at the same time burdened by the ministry given to me. I am scared. I never thought that this will come now and I don't even have a mentor to really guide me step by step in this task. I am really lost. Maybe because that I didn't expect that I will handle this ministry for real. For years, I already felt that God is leading me in this ministry. Even Mama felt that for me. And because of that, my conviction and desire to grow in this ministry deepen. But how? What should I do? What must I do?

 
 

Our meeting ended at 1:00PM and I got a few notes from Ate Pat on how must I conduct the whole on-site intercession. Then I began to think, am I really needed on Sunday for the music min? I don't want to leave my ministry to anyone on its first day. I know how essential my ministry is and I don't want to miss the opportunity to experience interceding for something. Besides, the rest of the Music Min will be singing already. I am still thinking. But my heart tells me not to leave intercessory this Sunday. This is the real thing. This is not just a mere text-pass ministry, pray for that pray for this ministry. This is the real thing and it overwhelms me. I am thankful that they entrusted me with this. But I'm scared. What if I won't be able to do it? What if something unexpected will happen?

 
 

I am praying that God will bless me with members. I can't do this alone. This is no easy task. After I watched the video, I never thought that this ministry will be a real work. Intercessory doesn't end during the feast. You carry it everyday. You do it everyday. You go beyond your borders. You become unselfish. You become more loving. You become less of you and more of others. You become more prayerful, more than what you were before, more than that what you've expected from yourself.

 
 

And still I don't know why I feel scared. During Tito Obet's worship a while ago and Bro. Michael's exhortation during his talk, I felt that God was really talking to me. Why should I be afraid? what am I afraid of? Then as Tito Bo told us to go over our novena to God's love once again, I saw my 6th dream…

 
 

" Know my core gift and use it for Your ministry. Mature on that gift."

 
 

When I read this, I felt that God was telling me "Keren, what more are you asking for? This is your dream and I planted it in your heart. I touched you and I blessed you. Don't be afraid. I am here with you. You're mom is so proud of you up here. I will never forsake you. I will use you to bless others. I will use to pray for their needs. You are their intercessor. This is your gift, the one you've been praying for. Use it, nurture it. Grow deeper. Love others more. I trust you. And I love you."

 
 

God loves me. And He proved that to me today, on Love day, on Valentine's Day. And I am deeply grateful and blessed. Truly this day is about love. As what Bro. Michael said this afternoon

 
 

"Remember that Jesus didn't die because we are sinful, He died because of His great love for us…"

 
 

God let me experience love today - love from friends and family. He healed me from all my pains and all my hurts and made me feel ok in everything. He loves me and I love Him. And I should continue to love others. I should continue my mission to live to love.

 
 

Happy love day Keren! :)