Thank God for 40! and a lot more :)

Thank God for 40!

I thought I was the only one who took the opportunity to rest for the whole week, apparently, almost all of us just took the time off from school works and grabbed enough rest. In short, 4AAC wasn't not prepared for today's recitation in TAX. In fact, 5 didn't attend the class. They hurriedly sneaked out of the room after Audit so that Atty. D wouldn't see them.

Atty. D clattered the tambyolo after checking the attendance. Everyone was trembling and hoping that their number wouldn't be called. Then 33! The question is about income tax, and I'm so dead. I studied, but I was only able to finish the basic principles and not yet about tax on individuals. 33 wasn't able to correctly answer Atty. D. Then the famous "that will do" followed.

He clattered again and picked 23. Luckily, 23 was absent. Then 17, who was also absent. Then…….

He picked 40!!!

40 is the number assigned to Atty. D, and when he picks his number, he will just conduct a discussion instead of a recitation. And there it was! Tadaa! 40! The quiet and trembling 4AAC suddenly became noisy as if they won in Bingo. (but thinking about it, it is more than winning the Bingo! It's being spared from the recitation for the whole period and it's a marvelous blessing for 4AAC.

But more than the joy of being spared from the recitation, I felt that God is with me, and He never failed to let me feel that He's always there for ready to rescue. I remembered my prayer this morning, I told Him:

"Lord, alam niyo naman pong nag-aral ako. Pero kung mali man ang pinag-aralan ko, kayo na po bahala."

And He really took care of the rest. He indeed is my rescuer, my God, my Savior. I just need to remember that I should always trust without fear. :)

 

Welcome back to BSA Life

Our class will start at 1:30pm but I was already in school at 7:30am. I was cramming. I have two quizzes and a recitation for the day and all I did was scan and lecture a little (and sleep) for the past few days. It's not surprising to see many of my classmates to be also in the library early in the morning. Everyone was cramming. This is our life, something that we have learned to embrace for the past three years.

Ma'am Manuel talked about her make-up class. And it feels that we already missed a lot in MAS well in fact, we only missed 3 hours from her class. The "make-up classes" rings so much in my ear. She's on it again. The ever industrious professor whose favorite past time is to conduct make-up classes even if there's no more need for one. Sigh. And she didn't forget to prepare for our exam today, just like as promised. And as usual, she bombarded us with homeworks due on Thursday plus an exam about FSA!

Homework+quiz=no rest on a Wednesday

 

The Feast Manila!

I was able to talk to Sir Quijano today about the Feast Manila and he was very eager to attend. I even told him to volunteer and he was willing to be a reader for the Feast. I'll just tell Tita Anabelle about it. :)

I am happy to be able to invite people to the Feast. I know that I haven't invited much yet (and I could invite more) but I'm glad that I could hear yes from friends and I have Sir Quijano to help me out in inviting my classmates (even if we will come late due to a 6-7:30pm class in Sales).

I am really excited for the Feast Manila. I know that God will continue to arrange my schedule so that I could serve. :)

 

Ciao! :P

I'm off to study now or to bed. I'm still confused on what I should do. I still have 8 paragraphs in Audit and 75 articles in Sales to review until 3pm tomorrow. I just hope that I could finish everything. :) I am not procrastinating anymore. I just wish I did this a week ago. :P

I just want to say that God truly works for good to all those who love Him. Thank you Lord! :)

My own personal Angel :)

I have a problem, I sleep a lot. And when I say a lot, it's really a lot. For the past week, I slept more than 8 hours a day. If my calculations were right, I slept for more than 12 hours a day. Every time I had the intention to study, I just fall asleep and I don't know why.

I tried my best to wake up early in the morning and do the routine that I always had before. But I failed. The attempt to study during the wee hours in the morning is not anymore effective for me because I can't even wake up. I am deeply bothered. I promised myself to use this time wisely, but I didn't.

Then I prayed, lifting up this problem to God.

It's 2:49am in my laptop. 3:45am in my clock. And I don't feel sleepy at all. God heard my prayer, and He answered it. Maybe it is His will for me to sleep so that I could rest and be ready for the week. I don't want to rely on energy drinks anymore because they are not good for the health. And I want to take care of myself for God, so that I could use my life for service.

Today is the solemnity of Sts. Paul and Peter. I didn't know St. Peter's story until today (except for the famous verse "And so I say to you, you are Peter and upon this rock I will build my church…"). Truly, God works in marvelous ways. He saved St. Peter from King Herod so that He would be able to do His will, to build His church.

God was using His angels to save His children from harm. We all have our own angels and I know who's mine. I just want to say thank you to God for allowing her to be my angel. And thank you to my angel who was always there to help me out and listen to God's orders.

Thank you Lord! Thank you Mama! (the special angel God personally picked for me :D)

 

P.S. Sunday was great to see Grax and to invite her to the Feast Manila. I finally recruited Marius (my cousin who's living here with us) to come to the Feast Manila and I even told him to bring his friends. I am hoping to invite more. Btw, my Sunday was productive. I was able to study for tax. Yey! :)

Trust without Fear :)

Background music: while I have breath (Mama's favorite worship song)

Today's reading reminded me to trust God without fear. I am often in doubt. I am always afraid. But here He goes again today, knocking on my heart, trying to eliminate the fear that I'm feeling. I am afraid of failing especially in this final stretch. But I don't want to give up my service. I didn't commit to Him last January because of fear. But He is really calling me. I said no a lot of times but I always end up doing the other way. He made The Feast Manila for me. He called me to serve and here I am, following His call. But I am in fear again. Fear of failing in school. I can't afford to fail. Not again.

I've been always praying to Him about this, I never got a direct answer but He is really leading me for service. There was a part in Tito Obet's talk last night about commitment. He told us to sing the chorus of Sa 'Yo Lamang wholeheartedly, meaning every word that we say. I was hesitant to stand. I prayed, and all I said to God was "Lord, kayo na po bahala. Gusto kong magserve, basta kayo na bahala". Then I stood up and sang the song with teary eyes. I am afraid. I am so afraid. But today's scripture told me that I should not doubt nor fear.
God is and will always be with me. I should learn to trust without fear.

A vision appeared to me while I was praying the rosary:

MALLARI KEREN GRAINE CANETE

I saw my name in the list of CPA board passers. I will become a CPA and God was assuring me of that. And I know that He wants me to forget the fears in my heart. He wants me not to worry about things because He'll take care of the rest. He is the God of the impossible. He will work for good to all those who love Him.

I am God's servant. I am here to serve His kingdom. And in Him, I will fear no more.

Lord, thank you! :)

Campus Tour

Today is a very busy and productive Thursday. Finally, I stepped out of my shell and helped out physically. :) From SM Manila to Intramuros to SM again to Taft, tiring but fun especially you're with people with the same passion for service. :) For the record, we went to the following schools:

1. Lyceum
   
2. Mapua
   
3. Letran
   
4. Colegio de Sta. Rosa
   
5. Universidad de Manila
   
6. Philippine Normal University
   
7. Sta. Isabel College
   
8. Adamson University (including grade school)
   
9. Emilio Aguinaldo College
   
10. Manila Science High School
    
11. De La Salle University
    
12. College of St. Benilde
    
13. St. Scholastica College
    

I just realized that I pass by more or less 20 schools (including those in recto) whenever I go to school. Am I living that far???? Lolz. I went inside La Salle again and I went to the renovated CR. I miss the CRs in La Salle. They're really the best!!!

Got a big glass of zentea! Yey. I missed that. I miss Tuesdays at Zentea. :( I miss Patty! I haven't seen her for a while. :(

I just want to blog. :D

Ciao!

Btw, I love being with friends today. :) and I got one mission accomplished. :D

Grax is back! Hi grax! :)

Janus and Nanna

Procrastinating a bit, I was wondering why I wasn't able to see feeds from Nanna's blog. There's a computer language out there that tells me that blah blah blah blah blah. Nosebleed! Lolz. To make the story short, I just bookmarked Nanna's blog in my toolbar to keep myself updated from my ex blockmate who I am missing a lot! (oh yes nanna, I am missing you more than I miss my bf, but I also miss you bf! Don't worry.)

While I was reading her blog and her sweetness to her boyfriend, I suddenly became curious about Janus' blog. So I went to his page and read. And he's sweet (understatement). True enough, he patiently waited for her for three years, became a friend then eventually her loving boyfriend. I feel really happy for Nanna because she has Janus, a bestfriend and a boyfriend who will not intentionally hurt her in anyway and someone who'll love her forever. But I can say that Janus is luckier (bias!!!) to have Nanna as his girl. What more could he ask for? :D

I am happy for the both of them. So in love. <3 Btw, I love reading your blogs, I just wish I have more time. Best wishes for both of you! :p

Let the rain pour!

I'm two days late from my intended schedule. I'm procrastinating again, but not anymore today. I am slowly leaving all my internet habits. I just uploaded the AOD pictures in fb today then I won't open it again. I am not planning to go online today unless it is badly needed. All I have now is my blog which by the way, I am really enjoying to write on. (thanks to the MS 2007, if not for this, I'll be really lazy to write). =)

I received an e-mail today from Dr. Ryan about our 9-day novena for Manila Feast. I prayed. :) I am not participating actively in the preparations for the Manila Feast. I feel useless especially I'm part of the youth council. So I just prayed. Maybe my little prayer could go a long way. I hope it will. :)

I woke up today hearing the raindrops falling on the roof. And it made me smile. The rain never failed to wash away the bad mood I have. It refreshes my soul as well as my mind. And I love the cool air it always brings. I'm happy again.

Today's reflection is about how much a little obedience to God can change a person. I can testify to this. I obeyed God yesterday when He told me to open my heart and learn to trust people again. True enough, when Papa arrived home yesterday, he was really nice. He was also sick though (I think the virus I brought home infected a lot of us. Tsk.). But he's more caring and more loving. And it's a big miracle that he didn't go out last night and just stayed in his room. I am happy that he's home even though we don't talk. I know that he appreciated the text message I sent to him yesterday even if he won't tell it. I hope that I will always have the courage to send that kind of text message to Papa. I know that he needs it and I also want to make him feel that I love him so much, it's just that I'm not used to it. But I'll try my best. :)

I'm looking forward to finish reading the two chapters from Carter today and the 11-page lecture that Ms. Manuel gave us. I am looking forward to being productive today.

The rain is still pouring, and I am happy. :)

Thank you Lord for blessing me and making me feel loved. :)

Btw, let me share to you some pictures during our activities last Friday. (thanks to red lens ^_^)

JPIA Officers 2009-2010

Kester (IVP), Keren (Pres), Santy (EVP)

Trust

I don't like being sad anymore. Ate is right, the problem is within me. I know that I am thinking a lot. And today, I am choosing to be ok. I had a fight with Ate this morning. She's borrowing my laptop and I didn't lend it to her. I don't trust her with my things. I don't trust her with any material thing.

That's the problem with me. It's really hard for me to trust if I find reasons not to. I easily trust someone, but from the moment I find reasons not to, I suddenly detach myself and lean on my own understanding. I know that what I'm doing is wrong. I should have listened to them. But I didn't. I'm hardheaded. I'm scared. I don't want pain. I don't want rejection.

"There is no fear in love but perfect love casts out fear."

I think that I haven't loved perfectly. My mission in life is to live to love. I do love, but not the kind of love that can cast out fear. I don't love wholeheartedly because of fear. And up to now I'm still scared. But God reminded me today to trust Him. Then I remembered this verse:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path."

I am scared to trust people around me even my friends and my family. I feared being hurt in the end so my defense mechanism is to detach myself to people whenever I feel a slightest rejection or pain.

I trust God so much. He is my crying shoulder. He never abandoned me especially when I'm in dire need. He's always there for me. He always makes me feel that I'm welcome to Him anytime. And He told me this morning to learn to trust people that He blessed me with.

This will not be easy for me, but I'm looking forward in perfecting the craft of trusting. I may fail. But today, I'm willing to take the risk. Just please bear with me. :)

Haircut

I could still clearly remember how I cried hard while watching The Proposal last night. I'm not crying because of the movie, I was crying because I'm beginning to regret the things that I've done before. I have my own reasons. I know I have good reasons. But I don't know why a simple joke tore my heart and made me cry bucket of tears. I'm not exaggerating. I even consumed one roll of tissue last night. I know that I cried myself to sleep last night. I can see two puffed red eyes when I look at the mirror. I woke with a heavy heart, still full of regrets. I know I'm not ok but still insisted to go through the day normally.

I exchanged few text messages with friends and I found myself crying again. I didn't expect that this will be a big deal for me. He's right, we already talked and what's more important is now because we can't do anything about the past. But I can't help but to blame myself. And up to now, I am still blaming myself.

I had brunch with Papa and Jem. Jem was sick this morning and I'm suspecting that it is swine flu. But thank God that her fever was gone. Papa told his litany again. I asked few questions that I know offended him so much. He is so defensive. And that conversation added to the heaviness that I'm feeling. Ate called and tried to talk to me. But I don't want to talk about things. I just want to stay quiet and cry if my eyes feel like doing so.

I left home and went to the parlor. Cookie was asking me to do something for Manila Feast. As much as I wanted to help, I didn't. I don't want to stay at home. I want to leave. I want to go away. Our house is not welcoming anymore. I felt like a prisoner. So I went out.

I stayed in the parlor for quite a while. I have my new haircut. It is true, if you're not feeling ok, go to a parlor and have a make-over. I didn't have a full make-over. But my hair was shorter and it felt good. I was able to smile at Ate Weng who cut my hair. Then I went home.

I want to be happy now. But I can't help but feel that there's something negative here at home. I just want to stay here in my room, alone. Not talking with anyone. I don't want anyone to talk with me. I am not ok. But I'm trying to be.

I'm still looking for my rainEbow. I haven't found it yet. But I hope that it'll find me soon. :|

When jokes hit you hard (because it’s true)

Sunday was great but Father's day wasn't. Where's the father's day if you don't have a father to celebrate it with? I still have my tampo with papa. Hay. Lord knows why and I think that my reasons are reasonable. But I'll talk to him maybe later, when I'm back into my bubbly and happy mood.

He joked and I should have laughed at that joke, but instead I signed out and cried. If you've probably seen me now, you'll laugh at me (I'm crying again while I'm typing this K). He shouldn't be blamed, he just told the truth that made me realize that I was and will never be worthy of him.

I'm still looking for the rainEbow. I'll find it soon. =)

 

P.S. Sorry Niki for this sad blog. Just when you told me that you love reading my optimistic blogs, I suddenly blogged this. =p

AH1N1, my blessing in disguise =)

JPIA had two successful activities yesterday (which are the last major activities for this semester). The planning, preparations and implementing were exhausting. Sacrifices were made by my officers that put our grades in risk. Even though we haven't answered well Atty. D's neither questions about police power, nor the definition of the Latin words used in Sales, nor read another paragraph of the framework of ISA, nor read the 11-page handout of Ms. Manuel, just by seeing the success of the activities, everything was worth it. I am really proud of my officers. There may be problems, but those are only minor problems. I saw their cooperation and determination to make the activity a success. And I am really proud how they strived hard to work for this. Our activities might look simple for some, but who cares? We worked our butts off and I'm really proud and happy for them.

My health didn't work harmoniously with the activities. I feel really tired. Before the mass yesterday, the news about the confirmed cases of ah1n1 in Beda was already promulgating. And after the confirmation that we will have one week vacation, I felt relieved. I am really looking forward for rest and here it is granted. It is true that AH1N1 is a curse for a lot of people, but I can say that it is a blessing for me. If not for that, classes won't be suspended and I can't have the much needed rest that I badly want. If not for AH1N1, I may end up not going to school for a few days next week because of over fatigue. But God didn't allow that to happen. Praise God!

Today will be my rest day. Sunday will be a day for God and YMPACT. And the rest of the week is for studying. I badly need to study now and utilize my time really well. I can do this through Christ who strengthens me. =)