My own personal Angel :)

I have a problem, I sleep a lot. And when I say a lot, it's really a lot. For the past week, I slept more than 8 hours a day. If my calculations were right, I slept for more than 12 hours a day. Every time I had the intention to study, I just fall asleep and I don't know why.

I tried my best to wake up early in the morning and do the routine that I always had before. But I failed. The attempt to study during the wee hours in the morning is not anymore effective for me because I can't even wake up. I am deeply bothered. I promised myself to use this time wisely, but I didn't.

Then I prayed, lifting up this problem to God.

It's 2:49am in my laptop. 3:45am in my clock. And I don't feel sleepy at all. God heard my prayer, and He answered it. Maybe it is His will for me to sleep so that I could rest and be ready for the week. I don't want to rely on energy drinks anymore because they are not good for the health. And I want to take care of myself for God, so that I could use my life for service.

Today is the solemnity of Sts. Paul and Peter. I didn't know St. Peter's story until today (except for the famous verse "And so I say to you, you are Peter and upon this rock I will build my church…"). Truly, God works in marvelous ways. He saved St. Peter from King Herod so that He would be able to do His will, to build His church.

God was using His angels to save His children from harm. We all have our own angels and I know who's mine. I just want to say thank you to God for allowing her to be my angel. And thank you to my angel who was always there to help me out and listen to God's orders.

Thank you Lord! Thank you Mama! (the special angel God personally picked for me :D)

 

P.S. Sunday was great to see Grax and to invite her to the Feast Manila. I finally recruited Marius (my cousin who's living here with us) to come to the Feast Manila and I even told him to bring his friends. I am hoping to invite more. Btw, my Sunday was productive. I was able to study for tax. Yey! :)

Trust without Fear :)

Background music: while I have breath (Mama's favorite worship song)

Today's reading reminded me to trust God without fear. I am often in doubt. I am always afraid. But here He goes again today, knocking on my heart, trying to eliminate the fear that I'm feeling. I am afraid of failing especially in this final stretch. But I don't want to give up my service. I didn't commit to Him last January because of fear. But He is really calling me. I said no a lot of times but I always end up doing the other way. He made The Feast Manila for me. He called me to serve and here I am, following His call. But I am in fear again. Fear of failing in school. I can't afford to fail. Not again.

I've been always praying to Him about this, I never got a direct answer but He is really leading me for service. There was a part in Tito Obet's talk last night about commitment. He told us to sing the chorus of Sa 'Yo Lamang wholeheartedly, meaning every word that we say. I was hesitant to stand. I prayed, and all I said to God was "Lord, kayo na po bahala. Gusto kong magserve, basta kayo na bahala". Then I stood up and sang the song with teary eyes. I am afraid. I am so afraid. But today's scripture told me that I should not doubt nor fear.
God is and will always be with me. I should learn to trust without fear.

A vision appeared to me while I was praying the rosary:

MALLARI KEREN GRAINE CANETE

I saw my name in the list of CPA board passers. I will become a CPA and God was assuring me of that. And I know that He wants me to forget the fears in my heart. He wants me not to worry about things because He'll take care of the rest. He is the God of the impossible. He will work for good to all those who love Him.

I am God's servant. I am here to serve His kingdom. And in Him, I will fear no more.

Lord, thank you! :)

Campus Tour

Today is a very busy and productive Thursday. Finally, I stepped out of my shell and helped out physically. :) From SM Manila to Intramuros to SM again to Taft, tiring but fun especially you're with people with the same passion for service. :) For the record, we went to the following schools:

1. Lyceum
   
2. Mapua
   
3. Letran
   
4. Colegio de Sta. Rosa
   
5. Universidad de Manila
   
6. Philippine Normal University
   
7. Sta. Isabel College
   
8. Adamson University (including grade school)
   
9. Emilio Aguinaldo College
   
10. Manila Science High School
    
11. De La Salle University
    
12. College of St. Benilde
    
13. St. Scholastica College
    

I just realized that I pass by more or less 20 schools (including those in recto) whenever I go to school. Am I living that far???? Lolz. I went inside La Salle again and I went to the renovated CR. I miss the CRs in La Salle. They're really the best!!!

Got a big glass of zentea! Yey. I missed that. I miss Tuesdays at Zentea. :( I miss Patty! I haven't seen her for a while. :(

I just want to blog. :D

Ciao!

Btw, I love being with friends today. :) and I got one mission accomplished. :D

Grax is back! Hi grax! :)

Janus and Nanna

Procrastinating a bit, I was wondering why I wasn't able to see feeds from Nanna's blog. There's a computer language out there that tells me that blah blah blah blah blah. Nosebleed! Lolz. To make the story short, I just bookmarked Nanna's blog in my toolbar to keep myself updated from my ex blockmate who I am missing a lot! (oh yes nanna, I am missing you more than I miss my bf, but I also miss you bf! Don't worry.)

While I was reading her blog and her sweetness to her boyfriend, I suddenly became curious about Janus' blog. So I went to his page and read. And he's sweet (understatement). True enough, he patiently waited for her for three years, became a friend then eventually her loving boyfriend. I feel really happy for Nanna because she has Janus, a bestfriend and a boyfriend who will not intentionally hurt her in anyway and someone who'll love her forever. But I can say that Janus is luckier (bias!!!) to have Nanna as his girl. What more could he ask for? :D

I am happy for the both of them. So in love. <3 Btw, I love reading your blogs, I just wish I have more time. Best wishes for both of you! :p

Let the rain pour!

I'm two days late from my intended schedule. I'm procrastinating again, but not anymore today. I am slowly leaving all my internet habits. I just uploaded the AOD pictures in fb today then I won't open it again. I am not planning to go online today unless it is badly needed. All I have now is my blog which by the way, I am really enjoying to write on. (thanks to the MS 2007, if not for this, I'll be really lazy to write). =)

I received an e-mail today from Dr. Ryan about our 9-day novena for Manila Feast. I prayed. :) I am not participating actively in the preparations for the Manila Feast. I feel useless especially I'm part of the youth council. So I just prayed. Maybe my little prayer could go a long way. I hope it will. :)

I woke up today hearing the raindrops falling on the roof. And it made me smile. The rain never failed to wash away the bad mood I have. It refreshes my soul as well as my mind. And I love the cool air it always brings. I'm happy again.

Today's reflection is about how much a little obedience to God can change a person. I can testify to this. I obeyed God yesterday when He told me to open my heart and learn to trust people again. True enough, when Papa arrived home yesterday, he was really nice. He was also sick though (I think the virus I brought home infected a lot of us. Tsk.). But he's more caring and more loving. And it's a big miracle that he didn't go out last night and just stayed in his room. I am happy that he's home even though we don't talk. I know that he appreciated the text message I sent to him yesterday even if he won't tell it. I hope that I will always have the courage to send that kind of text message to Papa. I know that he needs it and I also want to make him feel that I love him so much, it's just that I'm not used to it. But I'll try my best. :)

I'm looking forward to finish reading the two chapters from Carter today and the 11-page lecture that Ms. Manuel gave us. I am looking forward to being productive today.

The rain is still pouring, and I am happy. :)

Thank you Lord for blessing me and making me feel loved. :)

Btw, let me share to you some pictures during our activities last Friday. (thanks to red lens ^_^)

JPIA Officers 2009-2010

Kester (IVP), Keren (Pres), Santy (EVP)

Trust

I don't like being sad anymore. Ate is right, the problem is within me. I know that I am thinking a lot. And today, I am choosing to be ok. I had a fight with Ate this morning. She's borrowing my laptop and I didn't lend it to her. I don't trust her with my things. I don't trust her with any material thing.

That's the problem with me. It's really hard for me to trust if I find reasons not to. I easily trust someone, but from the moment I find reasons not to, I suddenly detach myself and lean on my own understanding. I know that what I'm doing is wrong. I should have listened to them. But I didn't. I'm hardheaded. I'm scared. I don't want pain. I don't want rejection.

"There is no fear in love but perfect love casts out fear."

I think that I haven't loved perfectly. My mission in life is to live to love. I do love, but not the kind of love that can cast out fear. I don't love wholeheartedly because of fear. And up to now I'm still scared. But God reminded me today to trust Him. Then I remembered this verse:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path."

I am scared to trust people around me even my friends and my family. I feared being hurt in the end so my defense mechanism is to detach myself to people whenever I feel a slightest rejection or pain.

I trust God so much. He is my crying shoulder. He never abandoned me especially when I'm in dire need. He's always there for me. He always makes me feel that I'm welcome to Him anytime. And He told me this morning to learn to trust people that He blessed me with.

This will not be easy for me, but I'm looking forward in perfecting the craft of trusting. I may fail. But today, I'm willing to take the risk. Just please bear with me. :)

Haircut

I could still clearly remember how I cried hard while watching The Proposal last night. I'm not crying because of the movie, I was crying because I'm beginning to regret the things that I've done before. I have my own reasons. I know I have good reasons. But I don't know why a simple joke tore my heart and made me cry bucket of tears. I'm not exaggerating. I even consumed one roll of tissue last night. I know that I cried myself to sleep last night. I can see two puffed red eyes when I look at the mirror. I woke with a heavy heart, still full of regrets. I know I'm not ok but still insisted to go through the day normally.

I exchanged few text messages with friends and I found myself crying again. I didn't expect that this will be a big deal for me. He's right, we already talked and what's more important is now because we can't do anything about the past. But I can't help but to blame myself. And up to now, I am still blaming myself.

I had brunch with Papa and Jem. Jem was sick this morning and I'm suspecting that it is swine flu. But thank God that her fever was gone. Papa told his litany again. I asked few questions that I know offended him so much. He is so defensive. And that conversation added to the heaviness that I'm feeling. Ate called and tried to talk to me. But I don't want to talk about things. I just want to stay quiet and cry if my eyes feel like doing so.

I left home and went to the parlor. Cookie was asking me to do something for Manila Feast. As much as I wanted to help, I didn't. I don't want to stay at home. I want to leave. I want to go away. Our house is not welcoming anymore. I felt like a prisoner. So I went out.

I stayed in the parlor for quite a while. I have my new haircut. It is true, if you're not feeling ok, go to a parlor and have a make-over. I didn't have a full make-over. But my hair was shorter and it felt good. I was able to smile at Ate Weng who cut my hair. Then I went home.

I want to be happy now. But I can't help but feel that there's something negative here at home. I just want to stay here in my room, alone. Not talking with anyone. I don't want anyone to talk with me. I am not ok. But I'm trying to be.

I'm still looking for my rainEbow. I haven't found it yet. But I hope that it'll find me soon. :|

When jokes hit you hard (because it’s true)

Sunday was great but Father's day wasn't. Where's the father's day if you don't have a father to celebrate it with? I still have my tampo with papa. Hay. Lord knows why and I think that my reasons are reasonable. But I'll talk to him maybe later, when I'm back into my bubbly and happy mood.

He joked and I should have laughed at that joke, but instead I signed out and cried. If you've probably seen me now, you'll laugh at me (I'm crying again while I'm typing this K). He shouldn't be blamed, he just told the truth that made me realize that I was and will never be worthy of him.

I'm still looking for the rainEbow. I'll find it soon. =)

 

P.S. Sorry Niki for this sad blog. Just when you told me that you love reading my optimistic blogs, I suddenly blogged this. =p

AH1N1, my blessing in disguise =)

JPIA had two successful activities yesterday (which are the last major activities for this semester). The planning, preparations and implementing were exhausting. Sacrifices were made by my officers that put our grades in risk. Even though we haven't answered well Atty. D's neither questions about police power, nor the definition of the Latin words used in Sales, nor read another paragraph of the framework of ISA, nor read the 11-page handout of Ms. Manuel, just by seeing the success of the activities, everything was worth it. I am really proud of my officers. There may be problems, but those are only minor problems. I saw their cooperation and determination to make the activity a success. And I am really proud how they strived hard to work for this. Our activities might look simple for some, but who cares? We worked our butts off and I'm really proud and happy for them.

My health didn't work harmoniously with the activities. I feel really tired. Before the mass yesterday, the news about the confirmed cases of ah1n1 in Beda was already promulgating. And after the confirmation that we will have one week vacation, I felt relieved. I am really looking forward for rest and here it is granted. It is true that AH1N1 is a curse for a lot of people, but I can say that it is a blessing for me. If not for that, classes won't be suspended and I can't have the much needed rest that I badly want. If not for AH1N1, I may end up not going to school for a few days next week because of over fatigue. But God didn't allow that to happen. Praise God!

Today will be my rest day. Sunday will be a day for God and YMPACT. And the rest of the week is for studying. I badly need to study now and utilize my time really well. I can do this through Christ who strengthens me. =)

AOD Welcome Remarks

My welcome remarks during the Accountancy Orientation Day, June 19, 2009. =)

 

Prof. Jofer Llave, Prof. Erick Quijano, my fellow JPIA officers and our beloved freshmen JPIAns, a pleasant morning to all of you!

On behalf of the Junior Philippine Institute of Accountants, your professional organization, I am pleased to welcome all of you on this Accountancy Orientation Day, a special orientation designed to inform you, our freshmen JPIAns about the different policies that are specially designed and strictly implemented in our department.

In your first week as an accountancy student in San Beda, you may have already experienced a sleepless night due to Prof. Alajar's welcome assignment, Laughed at Prof. Palo's jokes or was amazed with Prof. Filamor's animated teaching style.

Those are just the beginning of your roller coaster ride as accountancy majors. A life that is a little different from other courses. A life that will always hear the "ooh" and "aahhhs" from other students whenever they hear that you're a BSA major. A life that requires focus and determination to get the three most important letters beside your name in few years.

Life will be a little different for us, but never box yourself to the stereotyped boring life that they perceive about us. We still get to go to parties, bond with friends, watch movies, attend social gatherings and support our school in ncaa games. But everything comes with limits because accounting should be our priority.

It is true that in a few months time, you'll get to appreciate the simplest forms of rest. A couple of minutes of sleep inside the library is a prize for two hours of continuously solving problems. 4 hours of sleep is already a reward for studying overnight for a major exam. A day of not thinking about worksheets, calculators or the result of your latest exam is heaven. I am just exaggerating. Our life maybe difficult but it can also be fun!

Before I end, let me share to you my top three secrets in surviving this challenging world that we all chose to take. First is prayer, never forget to pray and ask for guidance from God to help you and never forget to say thank you after every simple blessing. Second is my reliable calculator which I'm using for three years now and hopefully until the board exam. And last but not the least, friends. Remember to build strong friendships. Friends are the one you'll be with to cry over a failing exam, copy undone home works with, spend sleepless nights studying, sleep over an accounting book you can't finish reading in the library, laugh at simple corny jokes, watch a movie after a tiring day of exam and most of all survive every single "hell" day still wearing a smile on your face. Friends will be your safe haven in hell.

On behalf of your JPIA officers, I welcome you all to Junior Philippine Institute of Accountants and to Department of Accountancy. We are hoping to see you in our future activities.

Thank you and God bless!