Reality Bites.

When you begin to find yourself again in the unsheltered world, you'll come to realize how far blessed you are from others. You're torn between choosing to play it all safe or carry your courageous heart to survive.

I've been living in a world surrounded with so much love. I've been blessed to be a part of a community who never failed to remind me that amidst that imperfect world, there'll always be a perfect love that will save us all. But it bothers me more to know that beyond those borders where I chose to live, is a cruel world that is in desperate need of more love.

Reality bites, and sometimes, it even eats you alive. It hurts so much that it may make you think if the world you're trying to live in is a reality or just part of your imagination. It makes you question if your experiences are real or is it just part of the "good world" that you're trying to picture.

You stopped, looked around, breathed deep, closed your eyes. And then you saw that everything around you is not a dream. You are witnessing one world with two faces. One world yet with division. One world with different principles and beliefs. One world separated by sin and hate. One world torn between good and bad. One world moving in two different opposite directions. But amidst these differences, one thing remains the same, this one world needs LOVE.

The greatest challenge now is how to fully, wholly and genuinely love to remove the barricades that separates that one world; how to make the two realities into one; and most of all, how to remove bias and make sure that every decision is fair and just for everyone.

I am 22 years in the community, yet I haven't fully lived what perfect love is all about. But someday I will,and when that time comes, that one world will be united with the one perfect love.

Oh yes, reality bit me. And it won't stop biting me everyday if I don't do anything. Someday, this world will be a better place for me, for the people I love and for those I will still love. May God be with me. :)

I'm Not.

I'm not you.
I'll never be you.
I don't want to be you.
I am who I am.
And there's nothing you can do to make me change.

I'm not me.
For now, I guess, maybe.
Deadlines mix up.
Obligations pile up.
And I'm trying my best not to feel stressed.

I'm not ok.
Right now.
And I hate that I am.
Where's the little optimistic girl?
Is she already gone?

I'm not telling.
I'm done with my piece.
You can die in peace.

Just for today.

I hate.

I'm NOT!!!

Sick Leave

If you've earned 6, why just use 2? Besides, it can no longer be monetized. :)

i am sick today. And I am not going to work. But I am still paid. :)

Email Update Trial

I am exploring the possibilities of my E5 and I am hoping to learn that everything I think of doing could be possible. :)

The Beauty of Sisterhood

I've lost my mother 3 years ago, and I hope I won't lose my father soon (because with the rate things are going now...)

I may have cursed them a number of times. I may have wished that I was the only child years back. I may have several petty fights with them over material things. I may have shouted back. I may have taken them for granted. But this day reminded me that no matter how life rejects us and all the people around us leave us, we'll still have each other, forever.

I will always be grateful to have them. <3

Blue Bead.

When it comes to love, nothing else matters. Even a human can fall in love with a fox and make heavens go crazy.

 

Love. A profound word that has been used for years yet not everyone could perfectly grasp.

 

 

PS Koreanovelas never fail to make me cry. Mi-ho and Dae-woong! <3

Smile little one.

I know that behind that smile is a crying heart that wishes to be always understood. You are different. And you don't live to conform with what the world expects from you. You are unique in your own way. Things may not always go the way you planned them, but it's ok. Charge it to experience. Smile genuinely cause your smile could heal many (and also you).

Dive.

I was in the middle of the Hillsong Aftermath concert when never-ending questions pop out from my head.

I was blessed by the concert but unsatisfied at the same time. I felt that I’ve already heard all the things that they’ve said and kept on reminding the people. The concert was for newly renewed Christians. It was for those who are only starting in their faith or those who have strayed.

But how about me? I’ve been serving for years. I’ve been to many “Jesus Encounter”. I’ve already heard a lot of talks which taught me to live according to God’s plan. I’ve already battled with my spiritual dryness several times already. Is this the only thing He wanted me to hear? Why was I in the concert? Why did He allow me to spend that much just to hear the same old things that I was already hearing for years? I am not in my desert anymore. I am happily swimming in my ocean of blessings. Is this everything that I could get?

What was God telling me? Does He want me to go back to basics? Or was He telling me to dive in deeper and not to be content just with what I can see?

Earlier that day, I was happy. I felt that I have loved and was blessed enough by the different people and circumstances that I’ve encountered each day. I felt that everything was falling to its perfect place. And if God would take me at that very moment, I know I was ready to die. But what happened with that happiness? Why did I suddenly feel emptiness?

“GOD is not done yet.”

I’ve got dreams. And I am hoping those dreams where the same dreams that God is dreaming for me. I may not be moved by the exhortations during the worship but I know that my P800 was not a waste. I was not there to go back to basics. He put me there to question Him. I felt that He wanted me to act. It seems like He’s telling me that if I want to get things done, if I want to know the answers to my mind-boggling and life-changing questions, I should take the courage to move and get out from my comfort zone. And He wants me to dive and not just float in His Ocean of blessings.

I am still afraid. I am not yet ready to take my leap of faith. But I know in His perfect time, He’ll give me the courage to walk without turning back. He’ll light the way for opportunities and lead me to where He plans me to be.

My soul is still wandering and looking for the next island that He’ll bless me with. My heart is still full of unanswered questions that I am waiting to be answered. I may be happy and content with everything I already have but He is reminding me now that He is not yet done with me.

I’ll stand with arms high and heart abandoned

In awe of the One who gave it all

I’ll stand, my soul Lord to You surrendered

All I am is Yours

Someday...

When I was in 4th year college, I came to point where I wanted to shift and just give up accounting. I chose BSA because I think I was molded to be an accountant even when I was still in gradeschool. I didn't have high grades in my college transcript, preboards or even my board exams (if I'll tell you how I passed, you'll be amazed how prayer changed my thoughts). But still, I managed to pass and find the "dream job" that I was praying for. I am learning and enjoying my work even if for others, it's toxic and tiring (oh yes it is and I've already prepared myself for that ever since).

BUT... I think I can be more than who I am now. I want to do more and not just box myself to where I am now. Surely, earning my CPA license has been one of my greatest dreams when I started college. But having it right now makes me yearn for more knowledge in my chosen field and EVEN BEYOND it. :)

Someday, I'll read this blog wearing a smile and crossing out these dreams (because they already came true)...

• train leaders in LOJ - Youth Missions PICC (I know I can't stay with the youth forever, but I want to leave it with good leaders so that it will continue to grow)
• be fully knowledgeable about the wonders of microsoft programs
• have another license (an additional ",CIA", ",MBA" after my Keren Graine C. Mallari, CPA ^_^)
• work in a company that allows me to earn what I could earn abroad
• send at least 100 kids to college (full scholarship in the top universities in the country)
• have a degree (or just take up few units) in Psychology
• be a better writer (learn the correct grammar)
• have a deeper faith and knowledge about Catholic faith and intercession
• put up my own company wherein I could provide accounting services to my entrepreneur friends
• tour around the world with my loved ones
• have my own family (may be a spiritual or real, i'm open to possibilities)

These dreams will take me years to build. But if God permits, then He'll help me make these happen. :)

Someday...

oh blogger! you're still alive!

I didn't write for 4 months! I almost forgot that I have a blog. :)) But I think I posted some notes in fb. Well I opt to post them on fb so that I could share how God blessed me and how drastically my life has been changed (ok that was an exaggeration). But really, looking back four months ago, I've never felt this FIRED UP but all the more, loved.

There's nothing so much new about me, aside from my new number. But I feel that I'm ever more persevering in sharing God's love especially to the youth. I am surrounded with so much love, God has blessed me with a working environment where I could grow, I am superblessed with all the people who are surrounding me. I am still SINGLE. (lol). But I am perfectly and trulyhappy (I could sing the line "joy unspeakable that won't go away" over and over again). And I know that whatever His plans are, I just need to wait for it, and look forward for it. I am not rushing, I am living life and enjoying every single moment of it.

Every single day is a learning experience. And I am grateful for where I am now.

I've read my previous posts, and I've realized that my wishlist last November just came true (with bonus). :)

Awesomeness! :)

I'm loving every moment of this. And may I be able to share this happiness and love.

PS. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my other dreams. In the future, when I read this blog, I'll just smile because those dreams already came true (if God permits). :)